Communication skills are essential to healthy long lasting relationships. Below, please find a few tips for improving your communication skills.

• Be aware of your feelings and know that you have the right to feel any feeling (boredom, hate, lust, awe). Good communication starts with understanding yourself.
• Understand the need behind the feelings
• Express your needs in a constructive, assertive way
• Communicate in the appropriate time. It is more productive to talk about important issues when both people are rested, sober, and ready for a serious talk. It’s wise to avoid serious discussions when you are tired, or too angry.
• Either person should have the right to end the discussion if it gets too angry or out of control. It should be rescheduled one to two days later so that both people be able to communicate in ways that will help reach some type of agreement.
• It is helpful to use “I messages” in conflict situations. “I feel upset when you are late.” Avoid “you messages” such as “You are always late”. You have the right to feel any feeling but in conflict situations it’s best to avoid “you messages” which imply judgment.
• Use a “consultant” approach. It’s helpful to use “proposal” language. “I propose that we only eat out once a month in order to save money”. Proposal language invites the other person to negotiate with you if they don’t agree with you idea. Proposal language eliminates power and control issues.
• Remember that the way you say things-your voice tone and body language-communicate more than your words. Respectful tones are helpful.

Relationship is important to life and to health and having a healthy one start with being assertive while utilizing  constructive communication skills.

Assertiveness is a communication style. It is the ability to express your feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and opinions in a direct, respectful and open manner that doesn’t violate the rights of others.

If we do express ourselves openly and conceal our thoughts and feelings this can make us feel tense, stressed, anxious or resentful. It possibly would lead to unhealthy and uncomfortable relationships as we don’t feel safe and loves while not allowing people closest to us to really know us.

The main effect of not being assertive is that it leads to low self esteem. If we communicate in a passive manner we are not saying what we really feel or think. This means we can end up agreeing with and fulfilling other people’s needs or wants rather than our own. Lack of expression of needs might leads to depression. This can result in a lack of purpose, and a feeling of not being in control of our own lives.

Lack of assertiveness is also very common in social phobia. People with social anxiety tend to think that other people are being judgmental and critical about them and will avoid social situations because of this.

Being assertive involves first of all choosing to communicate – being active rather than passive – and then doing so in a manner that’s both respectful and honest. Becoming more assertive is rewarding as it increases your self-esteem and social ability and allows you to have more fulfilling life.