The goal of psychotherapy is to create a safe, accepting atmosphere to explore ones-self, explore life and find ways to create more durable and fulfilling life. The main factor to successful therapy is the quality of the therapeutic relationship. In the same manner that our deep wounds occurred in relationship, so is the healing occurs within relationship. It is hard for us to see our own defenses because many of them are unconscious. This is why a professional psychotherapist who is skilled in understanding unconscious defenses can help us work through them.

I view psychological healing in a global holistic perspective that requires the counselor and the client to attend to all aspects of life to create balance and harmony. I see the process of therapy as a journey into the painful darkness of the psyche in which we discover our hidden light and potential.

Psychotherapy generally begins in some kind of pain or unclear lack of fulfillment. Regardless of external successful (financial, position, look etc.), many are facing internal struggles in things such as relationship, intimacy, health, stress, meaningful career, compulsions, anger, anxiety and depression.

The process of the healing will take the client to unfamiliar terrains, with tremendous uncertainties, which would require the client to face his fear and pain. There is no way to heal but to find the courage and face this “night sea journey” while ultimately lead the clients from pain, frustration, and fragmentation to increasing enjoyment, vitality, and wholeness. It is a process of movement from fake to real, from dissatisfaction to fulfillment, from weakness to strength and flexibility, from isolation to a greater connection, from a shaky sense of self-esteem to feeling centered and valued.

It is clear that our moods are influenced by our physical chemistry and by the negative or positive events that happened to us. It is apparent that we cannot change or prevent certain events (good or bad) from happening to us from time to time. Yet, this is only part of factors that influence our moods and it offers limited view of our emotional system.

The Greek philosopher, Epictetus said, Men are not disturbed by things, but by the views they take of them. In other words, our emotions and moods are actually not caused by the events happened to us directly, but rather our emotions are affected by the meaning we give to the events themselves. As such, we get upset, angry, content or happy as a result of the way we inter-operate and think about the events.

This old yet revolutionary knowledge has a tremendous power. It allows us to change our position from a passive and victim view to a proactive and responsible view. It gives us the power to change the way we feel by changing the way we think; to choose healthy and constructive thoughts that lead to durable and fulfilling life. It allows us to move from a beyond our control position to within our control position. The within of our control position does not mean necessary to get what we want, but rather to do our best (within our power) to get what we want and to accept what is beyond our control. In other words, accept the things you cannot change (beyond your control), and change the things (within your control) that you cannot accept. Again, the adaptation of this philosophy builds self esteem and self confidence and creates durable and fulfilling life.

Effective psychotherapy can help you reduce or eliminate psychological symptoms without medication. However, there are times that medication is important instrument to make you feel better and calm your brain, so psychotherapy treatment can work faster and more effectively.

Medication can make you start feeling better and faster than psychotherapy, but it is counseling that increases your ability to manage your symptoms in a constructive and healthy way. Psychotherapy is the treatment that helps you change your thoughts and behaviors, and provide you with the strategy to handle challenging situations without the side effect of need for medication. It teaches you the skills and tools necessary to create functioning and healthy life despite psychological challenges such as depression, anxiety, anger, trauma, self esteem etc. Accordingly, medication may treat the symptoms, but won’t solve the problem. However, psychotherapy may solve the deep rooted problem, or teach how to manage the problem effectively to create lifelong constructive change.

Yet, it is important to note that only a doctor can prescribe you with medication. Yet, it is important to understand the implication, consensus and side-effect of the medication taken.

The decision to see a therapist or a counselor is a very personal one, most often made during times of indecision, stress or emotional pain. The decision to seek help may also be the result of long standing issues or problems that may involve recurrent worries, frustrations, guilt, or self-defeating behaviors.
You may wish to consider seeking psychotherapy or counseling services if you or someone close to you is experiencing:

• Health problems, sleep problems, or medical symptoms that cannot be explained by a physician that might stem from a psychological problem or that worsened by a psychological problem.
• Relationship concerns with friends, family, spouse, partner, work etc
• Feel you are  stuck in any aspect of your life
• Job/Career/Employment – Find yourself unfulfilled with you job, career or want to find your right track
• You are just not happy, unfulfilled and want to feel better, but don’t quite know how to get there
• Depression, mood swings, anxiety or loneliness
• Excessive anger, frustration or guilt
• Stress, anxiety or constant worries
• Obsessive and compulsive thoughts and behaviors

• Problems with food, weight, alcohol or drug use
• Changes or potential changes in your life
• Problems following a traumatic event
• Marital, parenting or relationship problems
• Crisis that involves self-harming behavior, a risk of violence or the risk of suicide
• Self-esteem issues
• Depression or mood swings
• Persistent negative thoughts
• Problems with drugs or alcohol
• Loneliness, meaning, purpose, spiritual issues
• Improving communication, problem solving and conflict resolution skills
• Chronic or life threatening illness
• Life event concerns: marriage, divorce, parenthood, step-family issues, retirement, old age
• Issues of sexuality or sexual identity
• Managing traumatic events
• Struggling with the after-effects of childhood abuse/neglect
• Domestic violence or other forms of abuse

The decision to pick up the phone and ask for help is often difficult. Yet, whatever your reasons for seeking therapy, experienced therapists know this and can help put you at ease and answer your questions. They will listen to your concerns and help you decide upon the most appropriate course of action.

GUIDELINES FOR CHOOSING AND KEEPING A THERAPIST

If you are looking for a therapist or a psychotherapist or you are already in therapy, consider the checklist below. This list could also be helpful to assess the ability of the therapist to meet your needs and provide you with effective treatment.

Find a therapist who:

1. Makes You Feel Comfortable: You have to find a good match for your personality. Find a therapist with whom you feel comfortable and is warm and accepting. The therapist should create a nurturing and safe environment for therapy, yet is willing to challenge you when necessary.

2. Accepts You: A therapist should respect you as an individual, your background and your opinions.

3. Can Be Trusted: A therapist should be someone you have a rapport with and someone you can trust. If you cannot be open with your therapist, then you will not get the help you need and results you want.

4. Is Experienced and Professional: A therapist should be educated, an expert in the field and competent. If a therapist breaks appointments often, arrives late, or allows interruptions, consider leaving the therapist.

5. Is Emotionally Healthy: A therapist should feel comfortable with himself/herself and not seem anxious, arrogant or depressed. Look for someone who appears confident and is relaxed.

6. Is Respectful: The therapist should always be respectful and decent, and never condescending.

7. Does NOT Guarantee Results: Regardless of the best effort put forth by the therapist and the client, NO ONE can guarantee results. So, be careful when a therapist PROMISES you results. However, if after two months you don’t  see/feel some change, consider replacing your therapist.

8. Is Available for a Phone Interview: Before a first meeting, a therapist should be available to have a 10 to 15 minute phone conversation so that you can interview him/her and get a sense of his/her style and your comfort level. Also, the therapist should be able to accept the idea that clients are entitled to shop around before they commit to any therapist.

9. Provides Therapeutic Guidelines: A therapist should provide you with a clear policy and guidelines, including confidentiality, a consent form, clients’ rights, etc.

10. Is Patient: The therapist should allow you to explain your problems and patiently listen and not diagnose you prematurely.

11. Is Proactive and Engaged: A therapist who is too silent or too talkative is not going to be a good fit for most people. If the therapist does not promote interactive dialogue, does not answer most questions or pretends to be a “blank screen,” consider changing your therapist.

12. Is Open-Minded: A therapist should accept the idea that a consultation or second opinion may be helpful in the course of therapy.

13. Has a Flexible Approach: A therapist should be flexible in his clinical orientation and fit his/her model to the client’s specific problems/needs instead of imposing his/her approach on all patients. A good therapist begins with the needs of the client and then moves forward to find the appropriate intervention.

14. Provides Assignments: The therapist should recognize the needs of the client to work outside the therapy room. The therapist should also provide assignments from time-to-time to reinforce the therapy process.

15. Is Available in a Crisis: The therapist can be reached by phone or email to briefly discuss the crisis.

16. Allows a Variety of Participants: At times, it is helpful to bring your friend/partner, child, parent, etc with you to therapy. The therapist should be flexible in terms of who can participate in sessions as well as the frequency of the sessions.

17. Maintains Boundaries: It is critical to maintain clear and healthy boundaries. No business offers are permitted. Any sexual relationship is malpractice. If you feel something is wrong with the relationship or if you feel exploited in ANY way, seriously consider leaving the therapist.

18. Addresses Present Challenges: While it is important to discuss the background and childhood of the client, the therapist must help the client deal with real-present life issues.

19. Doesn’t Make Decisions For You: A therapist should not make your decisions, but rather provide you with the skills and the process to understand your situation, the options available and their consequences to allow you to make the decision.

20. Is Authentic and “Client-Centered:” A therapist is expected to be “real” while keeping in mind that the therapy is about the client. A therapist who reveals too much or irrelevant information about himself/herself is taking the therapy away from being productive.

21. Conducts Ongoing Evaluations: A therapist should conduct regular evaluations regarding the progress of the therapy and revise his/her intervention accordingly.

22. Is Open to Feedback: A therapist should be open to feedback from the client regarding the therapy process and adjust the intervention accordingly. Therapy can be difficult and, at times, clients may become frustrated with the entire process so it is important to discuss these feelings with the therapist.

23. Communicates Clearly: A therapist should be direct, open and honest and communicate effectively with all family members, regardless of their age and personality.

24. Is NOT Eager to Please: A therapist shouldn’t be too eager to please. Instead, the therapist should challenge his client and be proactive.

Moshe Ratson -  spiral2grow