Assertiveness is a communication style. It is the ability to express your feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and opinions in a direct, respectful and open manner that doesn’t violate the rights of others.

If we do express ourselves openly and conceal our thoughts and feelings this can make us feel tense, stressed, anxious or resentful. It possibly would lead to unhealthy and uncomfortable relationships as we don’t feel safe and loves while not allowing people closest to us to really know us.

The main effect of not being assertive is that it leads to low self esteem. If we communicate in a passive manner we are not saying what we really feel or think. This means we can end up agreeing with and fulfilling other people’s needs or wants rather than our own. Lack of expression of needs might leads to depression. This can result in a lack of purpose, and a feeling of not being in control of our own lives.

Lack of assertiveness is also very common in social phobia. People with social anxiety tend to think that other people are being judgmental and critical about them and will avoid social situations because of this.

Being assertive involves first of all choosing to communicate – being active rather than passive – and then doing so in a manner that’s both respectful and honest. Becoming more assertive is rewarding as it increases your self-esteem and social ability and allows you to have more fulfilling life.

A recent survey titled “2010 Sleep in America”  that was conducted by the National Sleep Foundation found that as many as 26 percent of couples report one or both partners are frequently too tired to have sex. Other studies have shown that many married couples have sex only one to three times per month.  People are busy. Somehow we manage to get through the day even though we are stretched for time, overworked and tired. Few of the main reasons that are associated with such low frequency of sexual engagement are life pressure, raising kids, demanding work or unemployment stress. All that and other reasons are energy consuming and tremendously affect the sexual intimacy of married and unmarried couples.

Exhaustion is very real and a big concern for couples. It is not surprising then that being tired is getting in the way of people having good sex on a regular basis. However, not often, it is not being tired that is preventing you from wanting sex. “We’re just too tired” is sometimes used to cover for other things that have gone wrong in the relationship or the bedroom: lack of communication, build up of resentment, boring sex, trust and jealousy etc. It is easier for a couple to avoid a huge argument by not opening a Pandora ’s Box. Agreeing that they are too tired becomes an easy salve on a big wound; however after only a short while this excuse stops working. In fact, many men and women have confessed that saying, “I’m too tired” has become a negative habit. They say it before they really think about whether they are tired or not.

The fact is that many couples have great sex lives regardless if they exhausted or not because they have healthy, intimacy relationship. In fact, some have more sex when they are tired because it is their way of relaxing and feeling good. Having sex can flood the brain with wonderful, endorphins, oxytocin and so on.

If you’re dealing more with the daily grind of life, scheduling sex is the easiest way for a couple to keep their sex life on the radar. It may not seem romantic and a couple usually feels like failures because they can no longer have spontaneous sex, however, chances are if they don’t schedule sex it’s not going to happen. They also need to wrap their heads around creating more realistic expectations on what is doable for their present lifestyle and schedule.

So the next time, when the words, “I’m too tired” as they relate to sex is still in your mind, think about how they are affecting your sex life overall. If you truly are too tired all the time, then maybe it’s time to get some balance in your life. After all, we can only hold our partner at arm’s length for so long before the relationship starts to suffer.