Change is an inevitable part of life, personal growth as well as improving self esteem. Without change, we experience stagnation, depression and even death. Change is the only thing that brings progress, and yet, it is often what we resist and fear the most! As the world around us changes, we must learn to change with it or else we will experience confusion, frustration, stress and anxiety.

Yet, we can practically turn our fear of change into a constructive, energizing force for bettering our life. There is always risk involved in doing something or achieving desired goals and the only way to succeed is by acting and doing. For that we need to conquer our fear. So, remember every fear is an opportunity to grow.

To be effective individuals or leaders, we must be able to embrace change, both professionally and personally. So often, we get stuck doing things the same way (again and again), and hoping for different results and hoping it will work if we just try a little harder. This is called insanity. We often resist the idea of changing our course of actions, because a new path would be foreign to us and we afraid of the unknown. We usually prefer the comfort zone, which is known to us rather than doing something different. It is satisfying our need to avoid facing the fear, yet it preventing us from a long term growth.

To truly achieve our goals, we must ask ourselves, “Where is it that we want to go, what are we doing to get there, and what is holding us back from being there now?”  Once we know what we need, we need to make decisions and act. To be more successful we need to evaluate our actions and if needed we must do things differently. The future we will experience is the result of the choices we make this moment. To create a better future we must begin to see change as an opportunity and choose to live with courage and commitment.

Developing the courage for change will help you to create a future that is more successful and fulfilling. Walt Disney shared this belief with us when he stated, “all of our dreams can come true- if we have the courage to pursue them.“

Perfectionism can be a big obstacle. It can slow you down, even keep you from accomplishing what you want. So, stop struggling to be perfect – it’s an unachievable, unhealthy goal. Below please find few tips to overcoming perfectionism and living more fulfilling life:

• Acknowledge your achievements. In the endless quest for perfectionism, you completely lose track of all that you have achieve, and all the progress you have made. To combat this, keep a chart for your milestones, and each time you achieve something, jot it down on your chart. Each month, review how much you’ve created and achieved. You’ll be surprised how much you’d been overlooking, blinded by those perfectionist ways. Learn to appreciate and honor your effort, the journey, and your accomplishments.
• Set Goals and take action towards them. What have you always wanted to do, but didn’t because you were afraid of failing? Don’t worry if you fail and have to try again. Accept mistakes; learn from them and despite feeling bad, move on to what is actionable. Reflect on how this process of learning from failure applies to other areas of your life. Focus on your positive attitude and effort, which will lead you toward fulfilling life.
• Set realistic expectations. A shortcut to misery is setting completely unrealistic expectations for your work. It’s good to have ambitions and aims for your work, and to push yourself to do the best you can. Perfectionists have expectations and goals that simply can’t be met! To overcome perfectionism, you need to balance great expectations with reality. Accept that your limits – and other people’s limits – are real. You simply can’t create perfection.
• Stop comparing yourself to others. We are each unique in our talents, abilities and personalities. When you compare yourself to others and wish you were as creative/talented/successful as them, you completely overlook your own strengths and abilities. It’s great to be inspired by other people, but use that motivation to fuel your own work while you focus on your best.
• Recognize the ideas are directions, not absolutes – Continue to hold your ideals and set goals because these serve as growth-levers and motivation sources. The goals are not the problems – it’s the attachment towards the goals which you need to work on. Accept your goals as directions to work towards and not absolutes which you need to achieve. Commit yourself to pursuit your goals. However, it does not matter if you do not reach the goals because the goals are just pointers toward where you want to be. They are not who you are or who you should be.
• Enjoy the process and look at the big picture – The big picture matters more than the tiny details. The process is the longest part of achievement – enjoy it! Find ways to lighten it up – learn to laugh at yourself, take things positively, rest/eat/sleep/play when it is time to, take part in enriching recreational activities.

Perfectionism is one of the most common symptoms of low self esteem. Perfectionism can destructively chip away at your healthy self-esteem. Perfectionist probably learned early in their life that others only value him because of the things he can do and have accomplished. Perfectionist’s self esteem is based primarily from external standards. This leaves him defenseless and extremely sensitive to other people’s opinion and criticism. As such the decision to be perfect is the only defense from such criticism.

Some of the reasons for perfectionism are listed below:

• Fear of failure is among of the reasons for perfectionism. Often times, perfectionists blame their failures to lack of personal worth.
• Another reason is being afraid to make mistakes. For perfectionists, mistakes and failure are the same. They miss opportunities to learn and grow by living their lives avoiding mistakes.
• Fear of rejection is a one of the most common reasons. Perfectionists are often afraid that if other people will see their flaws, they will be rejected.
• Rigid Rules. Perfectionists live with rigid rules structured by a never-ending list of “should.”

When measuring yourself by what you don’t accomplish rather than by what you do accomplish, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration. The need to be perfect quickly leads to a distrust of the ability to judge what’s good and what isn’t. When you can’t trust your own feelings of self-worth, you look to others to define and affirm your self-esteem. Perfectionism only allows one way to enhance self-esteem — that’s by being perfect. As such, when a perfectionist believes she isn’t perfect, she feels guilty, frustrated and unhappy. Perfectionism is a never-ending negative cycle of self-abuse.

Procrastination becomes a problem when delaying tasks leads to internal and/or external consequences.  The external consequence may be minor or severe, from missing a meeting to losing your job. The internal consequences also range from minor to severe, from mild discomfort to guilt, shame, self-condemnation and despair.

Procrastination is a habit, a learned response to anxiety-producing situations or tasks. It is an avoidant behavior we adopt when we are to do a task which reflects our abilities and we feel afraid/anxious that we will not measure up. Fear of failure or of success, cultural limitations or imagined disabilities all contribute to a person holding them self back for fear of finding out that they will fall short and thus it will prove without a shadow of a doubt that they are worthless individuals.

Personal competence is the antidote to procrastination and comprises of five elements: emotional strength, well-directed thought, time-management skills, control over habits, and task completion abilities. Therefore, most strategies for overcoming procrastination are based on improving these five skill areas, and involve: improving emotional control and adjusting one’s underlying attitude, focusing attention and thinking rationally, learning executive (self-management) procedures like planning and scheduling, learning habit-changing methods, and acquiring better task completion and problem solving skills.

People who have mastered the skill of assertiveness are greatly able to reduce the level of interpersonal conflict in their lives, thereby reducing a major source of stress. When assertive people face problems, they focus on solutions rather than problems, thereby able to resolve conflict successfully. Ultimately, assertive attitudes and behaviors are at the core of living healthy and productive life.

Nonassertive people may be passive or aggressive. Passive individuals are not committed to their own rights and allow others to infringe on their rights rather than to stand up and speak out. On the other hand, aggressive persons are strongly defending their own rights but are also violating the rights of others. Additionally, aggressive individuals insist that their feelings and needs take precedence over other people’s. They also tend to blame others for problems instead of offering solutions.

Lack of assertiveness promotes also low self esteem and social anxiety. While engaging in assertive behavior is rewarding and leads to positive self-esteem and more fulfilling life. Whenever you see someone being assertive, rather than passive, aggressive, or both, you are witnessing an act of healthy self-esteem. Whenever you see someone verbally attacking others to get what they want, or being indirect about what they want, or silently enduring something they don’t want, you’re witnessing the result and perpetuation of injured self-esteem. So, while it’s clear that having high self-esteem makes it easier to practice assertive communication, it should also be noted that acting assertively promotes healthy self-esteem.

Aristotle once said “We are what we repeatedly do; success is not an act, but a habit.”

All of us want to achieve a level of maturity, prosperity, success, fulfillment and happiness in life, yet few do. It’s because only few are willing to go through what it takes to achieve such a level.

What separate successful people from unsuccessful ones is their ability to organize their attitudes and actions (called habits) towards a specific goal and purpose. Successful individuals realize that to achieve their goals and prosperity, they need to push themselves and have a lot of sacrifices; challenge their personal limitations and become more skilled in many different areas of their life.

If you want to achieve success, but you don’t want to change and be out of your comfort zone, then you are probably won’t achieve success. Wishing success alone isn’t enough to bring it. You need to want and act upon it despite the challenges, fear and anxiety you might feel.

Remember that you are the driver of your life. You have the freedom and choice to act according to your will. There may be forces outside your control but your response will direct the result that will come out your way. So, develop constructive attitude and act with courage. Your efforts will direct you to maturity, success, prosperity, fulfillment and happiness in life.

Self esteem is defined by Dr. Twerski as a true and accurate awareness of one’s skills, capabilities and limitations. The importance of this is clear – one can optimally adjust or adapt to his reality or environment only to the degree that one’s perception of reality is correct. An incorrect perception of reality is a delusion, and someone who is delusional cannot possibly adjust properly to reality.

If I am delusional about myself, there is no way I can live a happy and productive life. If I happen to be bright but think that I am dull, if I am personable but think myself to be undesirable, if I am handsome and think myself to be homely, I am delusional, and my distorted self-concept precludes an optimal adjustment to life. Indeed, I believe that the overwhelming number of psychological problems that are not of physiologic origin are invariably due to low self-esteem, i.e., to a distorted self-concept in which a person grossly underestimates oneself.

You may say, “I know myself thoroughly, and I know that I am unlikable or dull or unattractive or impersonal. Those are facts, and it’s not my imagination.” However, having weaknesses does not make you incompetent or a failure. The real purpose of life is to become the best person you can become and to utilize your abilities for good.

Healthy self-esteem does not solve all the problems of life. Struggle and conflict is intrinsic to life. Sooner or later everyone experiences anxiety and pain. While self-esteem can make one less vulnerable more durable, it cannot make one ignorant of his feelings and needs.

Think of self-esteem as the immune system of consciousness. If you have a healthy immune system, you might become ill, but you are less likely to; if you do become ill, you will likely recover faster, your resilience is greater. Similarly, if you have high self-esteem, you might still know times of emotional suffering, but less often and with a faster recovery. Its presence does not guarantee fulfillment, but its absence guarantees anxiety, frustration and despair. So, focus on building your self esteem by creating greater awareness and build the skills toward more durable, fulfilling life.

Has the convenience that technology given to us also hindered us from overcoming social anxiety? Has technology made managing social anxiety even more difficult by placing a virtual wall between human interaction and physical contact? The fact is that the Internet acts as a buffer between people. Living in the age of the Internet, cell phone, email, messaging, online social sites and caller ID, makes it easier for a socially anxious person to avoid managing social situations and by that make it difficult to overcome social anxiety disorder.

The advanced technology has made it possible for people to make a living, go shopping, use services, and have “relationships” without ever seeing or directly interacting with another person. The high-tech society of today seems to cater to the person who suffers from social anxiety.  Eventually, living in this virtual world can be detrimental and deeply unsatisfying.

Technology is like a fine wine. A glass of wine a day is good for you. However, if you drink too much, it can kill brain cells and also can cause liver problems. Technology, like wine, can affect your relationships if you take in too much of it and let it control your life.

It is great to have friends from all over the world that I’ve never met and probably never will, but I think it can also limit your growth when it comes to getting past the reality of shyness and social anxiety. It is important to understand that technology is a tool that can be helpful, but we need to use it wisely and apply what we learn with it, to the outside world. We have to make sure we don’t use technology as a crutch to avoid physical and mental social interaction.

Montaigne: “My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.”

The above statement by Montaigne (a French philosopher) illustrates the power of the mind on our life, or more specifically, the negative power of our worried mind that has nothing to do with reality. Excessive worry is exhausting, tiring and have negative consequences on your emotional and physical well-being. The imagination of the worrier is full of thoughts about things that will never happen, or that turn out to be not as bad as imagined. The negative, protective mind cannot let go of troubling, pessimistic thoughts and cannot see beyond a negative outcome.

There is something about worrying that makes it hard to give up. In fact, worrying can be beneficial. Worrying is a defense mechanism and alerts you from danger or negative consequences. Ignoring a back pain or not preparing your car for the winter might cause you some serious troubles. Worry direct your attention to a possible problem or unstable situation and push you to take a constructive action toward resolving it. For example, worrying about downsizing could motivate you to prepare a resume and upgrade your skills or looking for another job in another company.

Many of us worry needlessly and excessively and live our lives in fear, plagued with anxiety and a general overall feeling of uneasiness. Here are some tips that will help you stop excessive worry and have inner peace:

• Write down the three things (concerns) that you worry excessively about. Only focus on these three major worries that seem to be on your mind on a daily basis. Order these concerns from more serious as the highest to least serious as the lowest.
• For each worry, ask yourself if you can or cannot control it. For example, if you are worried about deterioration of your health, determine if this is something you can or cannot control. In other words, determine what is within your control and what is beyond your control. In this case, you can control how you take care of yourself by eating healthy food, exercising, sleeping well and reducing stress. You can control parts of this worry, but of course not the entire worry itself.
• If you find yourself worrying excessively over things you cannot control, try to shift your narrow perspective on the negative consequences, and look at the bigger picture of life. Say to yourself “STOP, I am wasting my energy on things I cannot control.” “I better be constructive with my energy.”
• Allow yourself to be worry of 10 minutes per day. Set aside this time daily and use this time only for your worry. You may eventually stop doing this by realizing that it is a waste of time. Until this realization settled, you need some time just to feel your fears, and eventually move on to more productive activities.

The above ideas are not easy to implement as it requires a continual resistance to the worry mind. Remember, do not allow yourself to have excessive worry over the things you cannot control. You will waste valuable time and energy in your life worrying about these things.

Low confidence correlates with the tendency of focusing on the negatives that confirm a negative view of one ’s self. Individuals with low self confidence rarely pay attention to the positive things they do, their positive qualities, positive outcomes or positive comments from others. Self affirmation is designed to break that negativity and move the focus from negative to positives.

• I have the power to change myself
• My thoughts are under my control
• I can forgive, understand and respect others
• I can make my own choices and decisions
• I can build my confidence regardless of the results of my actions
• I am free to choose to live as I wish and to give priority to my desires
• I can choose positivity whenever I wish no matter what my circumstances
• I will do everything within your power to meet my goals, but accept what is beyond my control
• I am flexible and open to change in every aspect of my life
• I have the courage to act and do the right thing
• It is enough to have done my best

Re-read these affirmation and other achievements you write in your journal, reading them over and over with care and consideration. Reflect on what you have written at the end of the day, week, or month. Let all the positive qualities pile up and “sink in.” This is really important so that you learn to be aware of these things and feel more comfortable acknowledging them, rather than just giving them lip-service. Positive affirmations can “re-wire” your brain and give you a feeling of happiness, the power that can help you deal with the challenges you face.