The most important relationship we will ever have in our lives is the one we have with ourselves. If we feel good with ourselves, accept ourselves and think positively about ourselves, then we become fulfilled. Therefore, how we relate to ourselves will determine how happy we will be.

Building self esteem is probably the most important factor that leads to happy and fulfilling life. Healthy self esteem requires self knowledge, self acceptance, empathy, compassion, self respect and personal understanding. To achieve these states, it requires ongoing personal work. This work can be enhanced by a competent psychotherapist who can guide you through the process. Self esteem is founded on a fundamental understanding of who we are, what we need, where we are and where we want to be. Self-esteem is the psychological foundation that our personality is built upon. The stronger our sense of self, the more we will be able to withstand the storms and difficulties that come along with life’s challenges.

Improving self esteem and building confidence requires the development of abilities such flexibility, durability, acceptance, engagement and being present while developing appreciation. By building our character, we improve our self value and enhance our internal strength and internal freedom, rather than allowing our externals constrains to limit us or control us. This in turn leads to the creation of a durable, flexible and fulfilling life.

Self esteem is knowing how life really is, and accepting life as it is. It is not about imposing our expectations or idealized notion of how life should be. It is not about blaming ourselves or others when life doesn’t turn out that way. Learning to live with how life is, and developing an understanding, compassionate relationship with ourselves is the key to healthier self esteem. As such, healthy self esteem is based on the ability to develop realistic goals while acquiring abilities and skills to construct a satisfying life.

Assertiveness is a communication style. It is the ability to express your feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and opinions in a direct, respectful and open manner that doesn’t violate the rights of others.

If we do express ourselves openly and conceal our thoughts and feelings this can make us feel tense, stressed, anxious or resentful. It possibly would lead to unhealthy and uncomfortable relationships as we don’t feel safe and loves while not allowing people closest to us to really know us.

The main effect of not being assertive is that it leads to low self esteem. If we communicate in a passive manner we are not saying what we really feel or think. This means we can end up agreeing with and fulfilling other people’s needs or wants rather than our own. Lack of expression of needs might leads to depression. This can result in a lack of purpose, and a feeling of not being in control of our own lives.

Lack of assertiveness is also very common in social phobia. People with social anxiety tend to think that other people are being judgmental and critical about them and will avoid social situations because of this.

Being assertive involves first of all choosing to communicate – being active rather than passive – and then doing so in a manner that’s both respectful and honest. Becoming more assertive is rewarding as it increases your self-esteem and social ability and allows you to have more fulfilling life.

A healthy sense of self can make a profound difference in how we feel and function. Self-esteem is how we value and see ourselves. Positive self esteem is vital in development of a healthy personality. Healthy self-esteem means self-respect, a sense of self-worth, a feeling of basic goodness about oneself. On the other hand, low self-esteem means self-doubt and self-criticism, social anxiety, anger, shame, guilt loneliness and isolation.

Your potential to excel and achieve is directly related to your self esteem. On the other hand, failure is much more likely when you suffer from low self esteem. The following is a short list of why self esteem is important:

• Self esteem makes you believe in yourself. It affects your confidence which leads to success.
• Esteem affects your way thinking and behaving, causing your outlook, attitude and behavior to be destructive or constructive.
• It affects yourself image. When you have negative self image or low self esteem, it results in a loss of confidence. Your social skills may also suffer and you will find it harder to socialize. It might, also, lead to social anxiety.
• When you value yourself, others value you. In other words, you cannot expect others to value and respect you, unless you value and appreciate yourself.
• Self esteem brings with it assertiveness. Assertive individuals behave in a way that they respect themselves and value their needs. At the same time, they respect other without being judgmental with fairness, while having a constructive attitude.
• Self esteem people are able to express themselves and to communicate openly and honestly about their needs and desires.
• People with healthy self esteem choose healthy relationships and they recognize the value of relationships. They engage in healthy behavior while respecting others.
• People with positive self esteem tend to be more ambitious in what they want. They develop the courage to experience life to its fullest and by that allowing them to create life with durable fulfillment.

It is clear that our moods are influenced by our physical chemistry and by the negative or positive events that happened to us. It is apparent that we cannot change or prevent certain events (good or bad) from happening to us from time to time. Yet, this is only part of factors that influence our moods and it offers limited view of our emotional system.

The Greek philosopher, Epictetus said, Men are not disturbed by things, but by the views they take of them. In other words, our emotions and moods are actually not caused by the events happened to us directly, but rather our emotions are affected by the meaning we give to the events themselves. As such, we get upset, angry, content or happy as a result of the way we inter-operate and think about the events.

This old yet revolutionary knowledge has a tremendous power. It allows us to change our position from a passive and victim view to a proactive and responsible view. It gives us the power to change the way we feel by changing the way we think; to choose healthy and constructive thoughts that lead to durable and fulfilling life. It allows us to move from a beyond our control position to within our control position. The within of our control position does not mean necessary to get what we want, but rather to do our best (within our power) to get what we want and to accept what is beyond our control. In other words, accept the things you cannot change (beyond your control), and change the things (within your control) that you cannot accept. Again, the adaptation of this philosophy builds self esteem and self confidence and creates durable and fulfilling life.