The decision to see a therapist is a very personal one, most often made during times of indecision, stress or emotional pain. The decision to seek help may also be the result of long standing issues or problems that may involve recurrent worries, frustrations, guilt, or self-defeating behaviors.
You may wish to consider seeking psychotherapy or counseling services if you or someone close to you is experiencing:

•    Health problems, sleep problems, or medical symptoms that cannot be explained by a physician that might stem from a psychological problem or that worsened by a psychological problem.
•    Relationship concerns with friends, family, spouse, partner, work etc
•    Feel you are “stuck” in any aspect of your life.
•    Job/Career/Employment - Find yourself unfulfilled with you job, career or want to find your “right” track
•    You are just not happy, unfulfilled and want to feel better, but don’t quite know how to get there.
•    Depression, mood swings, anxiety or loneliness
•    Excessive anger, frustration or guilt
•    Stress, anxiety or constant worries
•    Obsessive and compulsive thoughts and behaviors
•    Problems with food, weight, alcohol or drug use
•    Changes or potential changes in your life
•    Problems following a traumatic event
•    Marital, parenting or relationship problems
•    A crisis that involves self-harming behavior, a risk of violence or the risk of suicide
•    self-esteem issues
•    depression or mood swings
•    Persistent negative thoughts
•    Problems with drugs or alcohol
•    Loneliness, meaning, purpose, spiritual issues
•    Improving communication, problem solving and conflict resolution skills
•    Chronic or life threatening illness
•    life event concerns: marriage, divorce, parenthood, step-family issues, retirement, old age
•    issues of sexuality or sexual identity
•    Managing traumatic events
•    struggling with the after-effects of childhood abuse/neglect
•    Domestic violence or other forms of abuse

The decision to pick up the phone and ask for help is often difficult. Yet, whatever your reasons for seeking therapy, experienced therapists know this and can help put you at ease and answer your questions. They will listen to your concerns and help you decide upon the most appropriate course of action.

Anger is a strong emotion and an integral part of our lives. Like any other emotion, we have to accept the fact that we are going to feel angry. Yet, we can control the degree of anger we feel, and how we act and response to anger. The main strategy in managing anger starts by viewing provoking situations in a realistic, non-judgmental, non-personal and with sense of proportion. Then, responding in effective, constructive and assertive manner to the situation, which means neither overlooking the problem (being passive), nor overreacting (being aggressive).

The main challenge in controlling anger is to avoid acting impulsively despite the strong urge to react. The fight and flight response to protect and keep us safe is automatically triggered and is immediately ready to act like a soldier in a combat zone. The key is to deeply understand that we are not in a life and death situation and the alarm (anger) we experience is as a result of our emotional (animalistic) brain. The way to control our emotional brain is to give power to our relatively new cognitive mind. This can be done by not giving up to our emotions and immediately react. It requires patience and slowing down the anger response cycle. It is “simply” means doing the opposite of what we used to do for so many years and for many generations. In other words, rather than reacting and immediately protecting ourselves, we need to stop, take TIME-OUT to cool down ourselves while getting back to the situation ONLY when we can re-examine the issue in a realistic, non-judgmental, non-personal with sense of proportion. This process is clearly easier said than done, but by being aware of it and practicing it daily, we can gradually improve our anger management skills and improve our habit to become emotionally strong. This process strengthens our cognitive mind to effectively bring us to a better emotional state and durable fulfillment.

GUIDELINES FOR CHOOSING AND KEEPING A THERAPIST

If you are looking for a therapist or are already in therapy, consider the checklist below. This list could also be helpful to assess the ability of the therapist to meet your needs and provide you with effective treatment.

Find a therapist who:

1. Makes You Feel Comfortable: You have to find a good match for your personality. Find a therapist with whom you feel comfortable and is warm and accepting. The therapist should create a nurturing and safe environment for therapy, yet is willing to challenge you when necessary.

2. Accepts You: A therapist should respect you as an individual, your background and your opinions.

3. Can Be Trusted: A therapist should be someone you have a rapport with and someone you can trust. If you cannot be open with your therapist, then you will not get the help you need and results you want.

4. Is Experienced and Professional: A therapist should be educated, an expert in the field and competent. If a therapist breaks appointments often, arrives late, or allows interruptions, consider leaving the therapist.

5. Is Emotionally Healthy: A therapist should feel comfortable with himself/herself and not seem anxious, arrogant or depressed. Look for someone who appears confident and is relaxed.

6. Is Respectful: The therapist should always be respectful and decent, and never condescending.

7. Does NOT Guarantee Results: Regardless of the best effort put forth by the therapist and the client, NO ONE can guarantee results. So, be careful when a therapist PROMISES you results. However, if after two months you don’t see/feel some change, consider replacing your therapist.

8. Is Available for a Phone Interview: Before a first meeting, a therapist should be available to have a 10–15 minute phone conversation so that you can interview him/her and get a sense of his/her style and your comfort level. Also, the therapist should be able to accept the idea that clients are entitled to “shop around” before they commit to any therapist.

9. Provides Therapeutic Guidelines: A therapist should provide you with a clear policy and guidelines, including confidentiality, a consent form, clients’ rights, etc.

10. Is Patient: The therapist should allow you to explain your problems and patiently listen and not diagnose you prematurely.

11. Is Proactive and Engaged: A therapist who is too silent or too talkative is not going to be a good fit for most people. If the therapist does not promote interactive dialogue, does not answer most questions or pretends to be a “blank screen,” consider changing your therapist.

12. Is Open-Minded: A therapist should accept the idea that a consultation or second opinion may be helpful in the course of therapy.

13. Has a Flexible Approach: A therapist should be flexible in his clinical orientation and fit his/her model to the client’s specific problems/needs instead of imposing his/her approach on all patients. A good therapist begins with the needs of the client and then moves forward to find the appropriate intervention.

14. Provides Assignments: The therapist should recognize the needs of the client to work outside the therapy room. The therapist should also provide assignments from time-to-time to reinforce the therapy process.

15. Is Available in a Crisis: The therapist can be reached by phone or email to briefly discuss the crisis.

16. Allows a Variety of Participants: At times, it is helpful to bring your friend/partner, child, parent, etc with you to therapy. The therapist should be flexible in terms of who can participate in sessions as well as the frequency of the sessions.

17. Maintains Boundaries: It is critical to maintain clear and healthy boundaries. No business offers are permitted. Any sexual relationship is malpractice. If you feel something is wrong with the relationship or if you feel exploited in ANY way, seriously consider leaving the therapist.

18. Addresses Present Challenges: While it is important to discuss the background and childhood of the client, the therapist must help the client deal with real-present life issues.

19. Doesn’t Make Decisions For You: A therapist should not make your decisions, but rather provide you with the skills and the process to understand your situation, the options available and their consequences to allow you to make the decision.

20. Is Authentic and “Client-Centered:” A therapist is expected to be “real” while keeping in mind that the therapy is about the client. A therapist who reveals too much or irrelevant information about himself/herself is taking the therapy away from being productive.

21. Conducts Ongoing Evaluations: A therapist should conduct regular evaluations regarding the progress of the therapy and revise his/her intervention accordingly.

22. Is Open to Feedback: A therapist should be open to feedback from the client regarding the therapy process and adjust the intervention accordingly. Therapy can be difficult and, at times, clients may become frustrated with the entire process so it is important to discuss these feelings with the therapist.

23. Communicates Clearly: A therapist should be direct, open and honest and communicate effectively with all family members, regardless of their age and personality.

24. Is NOT Eager to Please: A therapist shouldn’t be too eager to please. Instead, the therapist should challenge his client and be proactive.

Moshe Ratson – spiral2grow