The higher your self esteem, the more durable you are. As such, self-esteem includes the feelings and thoughts that individuals have about their competence and worth, about their abilities to make a difference, to confront rather than retreat from challenges, to learn from both success and failure, and to treat themselves and others with respect.

Healthy self-esteem and self-efficacy were promoted through supportive relationships. Accordingly, parents may help their children develop self-esteem by focusing not only on their areas of vulnerability, but also on their strengths. Parents must learn to identify and reinforce each child’s strengths to motivate the child to venture forth and confront the tasks that have previously been difficult.

The following are few ideas how to help children build healthy self esteem:

• Teaching Responsibility by Encouraging Contributions

Children develop their sense of achievement and pride by providing them with opportunities for assuming responsibilities, and by allowing them to make a contribution to their home, school, or community environments. For example: tutoring younger children, or painting murals on the wall, or assisting in the school office, or bringing messages to the office, or going on Walks for Hunger, helps them to feel that they are making a difference, and serves to reinforce their motivation and self-esteem.

• Teaching Decision-Making & Problem-Solving Skills & Reinforcing Self-Discipline

An essential ingredient of high self-esteem and resilience is the belief that one has control over what is transpiring in one’s life (positives and particularly negatives). To acquire this attitude of ownership, children need opportunities to learn and apply decision-making and problem solving skills. This can be done by involving children in discussions of how best to solve problems, or enlisting their input in the development of rules and consequences that affect their lives, or asking them to do research on a particular project. These kinds of activities help children to feel empowered.

• Offering Encouragement & Positive Feedback

Self-esteem and resilience are nurtured when caregivers communicate realistic appreciation to children and help them to feel special. By doing so, we become the “charismatic adults” in their lives. Spending “special” time alone with children, or writing them a brief note of appreciation, or recognizing their accomplishments (not just academic achievement) are examples of this strategy.

• Helping Children Deal with Mistakes

The fear of making mistakes and looking foolish is one of the greatest obstacles to develop self-esteem and resilience. Children with school problems often feel defeated and readily retreat from tasks that may lead to failure. Parents must help children to realize that mistakes are an important ingredient in the process of learning. Parents can do this in various ways, such as responding to children’s mistakes by showing them the correct way to solve a problem and not by saying things like, “Are you using your brains?” or “You always fail at things!” Parents and teachers discuss the value of mistakes and can share memories of their own anxieties about making mistakes when they were students and involve the class in a discussion about the best ways to insure that no student will be nervous about making a mistake. Placing the issue about the fear of making mistakes out in the open typically serves to lessen its potency, thereby increasing opportunities for learning.

In general, resiliency is linked to a sense of optimism, ownership, and personal control. Parents can serve as the “charismatic adults” in children’s lives – believing in them, and providing them with experiences that reinforce their feelings of self-worth. This is a wonderful gift parents can offer, a priceless gift that will last a lifetime.

Perfectionism can be a big obstacle. It can slow you down, even keep you from accomplishing what you want. So, stop struggling to be perfect – it’s an unachievable, unhealthy goal. Below please find few tips to overcoming perfectionism and living more fulfilling life:

• Acknowledge your achievements. In the endless quest for perfectionism, you completely lose track of all that you have achieve, and all the progress you have made. To combat this, keep a chart for your milestones, and each time you achieve something, jot it down on your chart. Each month, review how much you’ve created and achieved. You’ll be surprised how much you’d been overlooking, blinded by those perfectionist ways. Learn to appreciate and honor your effort, the journey, and your accomplishments.
• Set Goals and take action towards them. What have you always wanted to do, but didn’t because you were afraid of failing? Don’t worry if you fail and have to try again. Accept mistakes; learn from them and despite feeling bad, move on to what is actionable. Reflect on how this process of learning from failure applies to other areas of your life. Focus on your positive attitude and effort, which will lead you toward fulfilling life.
• Set realistic expectations. A shortcut to misery is setting completely unrealistic expectations for your work. It’s good to have ambitions and aims for your work, and to push yourself to do the best you can. Perfectionists have expectations and goals that simply can’t be met! To overcome perfectionism, you need to balance great expectations with reality. Accept that your limits – and other people’s limits – are real. You simply can’t create perfection.
• Stop comparing yourself to others. We are each unique in our talents, abilities and personalities. When you compare yourself to others and wish you were as creative/talented/successful as them, you completely overlook your own strengths and abilities. It’s great to be inspired by other people, but use that motivation to fuel your own work while you focus on your best.
• Recognize the ideas are directions, not absolutes – Continue to hold your ideals and set goals because these serve as growth-levers and motivation sources. The goals are not the problems – it’s the attachment towards the goals which you need to work on. Accept your goals as directions to work towards and not absolutes which you need to achieve. Commit yourself to pursuit your goals. However, it does not matter if you do not reach the goals because the goals are just pointers toward where you want to be. They are not who you are or who you should be.
• Enjoy the process and look at the big picture – The big picture matters more than the tiny details. The process is the longest part of achievement – enjoy it! Find ways to lighten it up – learn to laugh at yourself, take things positively, rest/eat/sleep/play when it is time to, take part in enriching recreational activities.

Perfectionism is one of the most common symptoms of low self esteem. Perfectionism can destructively chip away at your healthy self-esteem. Perfectionist probably learned early in their life that others only value him because of the things he can do and have accomplished. Perfectionist’s self esteem is based primarily from external standards. This leaves him defenseless and extremely sensitive to other people’s opinion and criticism. As such the decision to be perfect is the only defense from such criticism.

Some of the reasons for perfectionism are listed below:

• Fear of failure is among of the reasons for perfectionism. Often times, perfectionists blame their failures to lack of personal worth.
• Another reason is being afraid to make mistakes. For perfectionists, mistakes and failure are the same. They miss opportunities to learn and grow by living their lives avoiding mistakes.
• Fear of rejection is a one of the most common reasons. Perfectionists are often afraid that if other people will see their flaws, they will be rejected.
• Rigid Rules. Perfectionists live with rigid rules structured by a never-ending list of “should.”

When measuring yourself by what you don’t accomplish rather than by what you do accomplish, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration. The need to be perfect quickly leads to a distrust of the ability to judge what’s good and what isn’t. When you can’t trust your own feelings of self-worth, you look to others to define and affirm your self-esteem. Perfectionism only allows one way to enhance self-esteem — that’s by being perfect. As such, when a perfectionist believes she isn’t perfect, she feels guilty, frustrated and unhappy. Perfectionism is a never-ending negative cycle of self-abuse.

Procrastination becomes a problem when delaying tasks leads to internal and/or external consequences.  The external consequence may be minor or severe, from missing a meeting to losing your job. The internal consequences also range from minor to severe, from mild discomfort to guilt, shame, self-condemnation and despair.

Procrastination is a habit, a learned response to anxiety-producing situations or tasks. It is an avoidant behavior we adopt when we are to do a task which reflects our abilities and we feel afraid/anxious that we will not measure up. Fear of failure or of success, cultural limitations or imagined disabilities all contribute to a person holding them self back for fear of finding out that they will fall short and thus it will prove without a shadow of a doubt that they are worthless individuals.

Personal competence is the antidote to procrastination and comprises of five elements: emotional strength, well-directed thought, time-management skills, control over habits, and task completion abilities. Therefore, most strategies for overcoming procrastination are based on improving these five skill areas, and involve: improving emotional control and adjusting one’s underlying attitude, focusing attention and thinking rationally, learning executive (self-management) procedures like planning and scheduling, learning habit-changing methods, and acquiring better task completion and problem solving skills.

People who have mastered the skill of assertiveness are greatly able to reduce the level of interpersonal conflict in their lives, thereby reducing a major source of stress. When assertive people face problems, they focus on solutions rather than problems, thereby able to resolve conflict successfully. Ultimately, assertive attitudes and behaviors are at the core of living healthy and productive life.

Nonassertive people may be passive or aggressive. Passive individuals are not committed to their own rights and allow others to infringe on their rights rather than to stand up and speak out. On the other hand, aggressive persons are strongly defending their own rights but are also violating the rights of others. Additionally, aggressive individuals insist that their feelings and needs take precedence over other people’s. They also tend to blame others for problems instead of offering solutions.

Lack of assertiveness promotes also low self esteem and social anxiety. While engaging in assertive behavior is rewarding and leads to positive self-esteem and more fulfilling life. Whenever you see someone being assertive, rather than passive, aggressive, or both, you are witnessing an act of healthy self-esteem. Whenever you see someone verbally attacking others to get what they want, or being indirect about what they want, or silently enduring something they don’t want, you’re witnessing the result and perpetuation of injured self-esteem. So, while it’s clear that having high self-esteem makes it easier to practice assertive communication, it should also be noted that acting assertively promotes healthy self-esteem.

Aristotle once said “We are what we repeatedly do; success is not an act, but a habit.”

All of us want to achieve a level of maturity, prosperity, success, fulfillment and happiness in life, yet few do. It’s because only few are willing to go through what it takes to achieve such a level.

What separate successful people from unsuccessful ones is their ability to organize their attitudes and actions (called habits) towards a specific goal and purpose. Successful individuals realize that to achieve their goals and prosperity, they need to push themselves and have a lot of sacrifices; challenge their personal limitations and become more skilled in many different areas of their life.

If you want to achieve success, but you don’t want to change and be out of your comfort zone, then you are probably won’t achieve success. Wishing success alone isn’t enough to bring it. You need to want and act upon it despite the challenges, fear and anxiety you might feel.

Remember that you are the driver of your life. You have the freedom and choice to act according to your will. There may be forces outside your control but your response will direct the result that will come out your way. So, develop constructive attitude and act with courage. Your efforts will direct you to maturity, success, prosperity, fulfillment and happiness in life.

Solid self-esteem brings with it a sense of self-confidence and empowerment, and grants us the ability to move through the world to overcome life’s challenges, difficulties, and setbacks. Assertiveness is the ability to confidently and non-aggressively put forth what one needs and wants. It also includes the ability to draw lines and enforce boundaries where needed. Self-esteem, self-confidence and assertiveness are behaviors that are learned – and it is never too late to learn and practice these positive aspects of self-care.

Many of the ideas now associated with assertiveness training were first proposed in Manuel J Smith’s book When I Say No, I Feel Guilty, published in 1975. The book explains that assertiveness is largely about expressing oneself clearly and resisting manipulation. It proclaims a ten-point ‘Bill of Assertive Rights‘, all based around one key principle: “The right to be the final judge of yourself is the prime assertive right which allows no one to manipulate you.”

The ‘Bill of Assertive Rights’ in When I Say No, I Feel Guilty reads as follows:

• You have the right to judge your own behavior, thoughts, and emotions, and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon yourself.
• You have the right to offer no reasons or excuses for justifying your behavior.
• You have the right to judge if you are responsible for finding solutions to other people’s problems.
• You have the right to change your mind.
• You have the right to make mistakes – and be responsible for them.
• You have the right to say, “I don’t know.”
• You have the right to be independent of the goodwill of others before coping with them.
• You have the right to be illogical in making decisions.
• You have the right to say, “I don’t understand.”
• You have the right to say, “I don’t care.”

Remember, assertiveness is not about my needs mattering more than yours, or me getting what I want at your expense. Assertiveness is instead an affirmation of my right to ask for what I want. Even if you say no, it was okay for me to ask. Just as you’re allowed to ask for what you want. Just as I’m allowed to say no if I’m not prepared to give it to you, etc. When one person exercises her rights, she inspires others to do the same.

Conflict in life is natural. We need to learn to accept it as given. If we don’t accept this notion, conflict becomes destructive. There is no such thing as a conflict-free relationship. Conflict is a normal and necessary part of healthy relationships. After all, two people can’t be expected to agree on everything at all times. You may get rid of your partner, but you probably will keep your problem caring it to the next relationship.

May couples become helplessly locked in power struggle and conflicting desires, yet you can learn the skills to develop healthy interaction that manage conflict in a constructive way. Once you are committed to remove yourself from the power struggle and resolve conflict in a win-win situation, you set yourself toward the path of deep love and intimacy.

A successful relationship means being aware of our nature and learn more effective relational coping skills rather than complaining, withdrawing, being angry and stuck in the power struggle. The key to successful conflict resolution is the knowledge and acceptance that all parties in the conflict have legitimate needs.

Addressing and considering the needs of the parties will provide the long-term success. In any relationship, a lack of understanding about differing needs can result in distance, arguments, and break-ups. When you can recognize the legitimacy of conflicting needs and become willing to examine them in an environment of compassionate understanding, it opens pathways to creative problem solving, team building, and improved relationships.

Alcohol is one most widely abused substance in today’s society and its negative effect is rapidly growing.

Many times alcoholism starts off as an innocent drink. Gradually, lack of self control and discipline leads to a life of torture and misery. It has been said that falling into alcoholism is easy, but getting out of it is very hard. Once you get to a point where you are no longer in control and that the substance controls you, then you are officially consider an alcoholic and you are in a serious trouble as you spiral down.

When the alcohol or other substance controls you, it is then when you help the most, but this is also where the biggest challenge lies. Anyone who has a problem can only be helped once he or she wants to be helped. No matter how good a psychotherapist you have, no one can be helped if they resist the idea of being helped. No one can change without the willingness to change.

So, if you want to break free from alcoholism you need to reach that point where you want to change. As long as you deny the problem change is impossible. To get there, you need to realize and admit that you have a problem. You need to admit to yourself that alcohol has taken a prominent position in your life and that you no longer have control over it. Once you get to this point, help is possible.

Overcoming addiction requires a great deal of courage and effort. But first, you must admit that you have a problem; that you have an addiction. This is very difficult part. Only when you recognize and admit to yourself that you have an addiction will you be able to start overcoming it. Remember, true courage comes accepting weakness and trying to do something about it.

The following are few ideas to help you overcome the alcohol abuse:

• Determine the negative effects that alcohol has on your life and list down your reasons for quitting. It could include the effects of heavy alcohol use such as liver problems, gaining too much weight or personal reasons such hurting your family, or not able to achieve certain goal. Think of what you can gain by overcoming the addiction habit.
• Maintain a sober lifestyle by taking up new, healthy hobbies such as sports, art, music and volunteer work. Fill your time constructively, something recreational like painting or learning a new language. Sport activity or work-out routine could help you overcome your addiction since you can see the negative effects of exercising then drinking afterwards, and clearly, these two don’t match.
• Join a support group and attend the meetings regularly. Surround yourself with people that that healthy goals and willing to support one another. Remember how it feels when people say “I understand.” Talk with people after the support group. Find someone you can call and talk to when you feel the urge to drink.
• Eliminate things from your life that encourage you to drink. Recovering from an addiction to alcohol means making significant changes to your life. Throw out your alcohol. Stop hanging out in bars or pubs. Avoid hanging out with friends or family members who like to drink alcohol in large qualities. If you have a spouse or roommate who drinks, ask them to support you by not drinking around you. This is a step you must take if you’re serious about quitting alcohol.
• Create reasonable goals toward quitting drinking. Keep goals obtainable. Don’t set your goals so high that you can’t reach them and leave you frustrated. Maybe you can’t just quit all at once. At least set a goal of having one less drink today and then one less than that tomorrow. Small steps are the way to go and obtaining it motivates you to make greater improvements.

Overcoming addiction is difficult and yet possible. Remember that it is normal to relapse, feel down and challenged mentally and physically. Yet, never give up and do not lose the sight why you do it. Picture yourself how you would look in the future when you’re completely alcohol-free. Visualization is very powerful in helping you make the right decisions.