Self esteem is defined by Dr. Twerski as a true and accurate awareness of one’s skills, capabilities and limitations. The importance of this is clear – one can optimally adjust or adapt to his reality or environment only to the degree that one’s perception of reality is correct. An incorrect perception of reality is a delusion, and someone who is delusional cannot possibly adjust properly to reality.

If I am delusional about myself, there is no way I can live a happy and productive life. If I happen to be bright but think that I am dull, if I am personable but think myself to be undesirable, if I am handsome and think myself to be homely, I am delusional, and my distorted self-concept precludes an optimal adjustment to life. Indeed, I believe that the overwhelming number of psychological problems that are not of physiologic origin are invariably due to low self-esteem, i.e., to a distorted self-concept in which a person grossly underestimates oneself.

You may say, “I know myself thoroughly, and I know that I am unlikable or dull or unattractive or impersonal. Those are facts, and it’s not my imagination.” However, having weaknesses does not make you incompetent or a failure. The real purpose of life is to become the best person you can become and to utilize your abilities for good.

Healthy self-esteem does not solve all the problems of life. Struggle and conflict is intrinsic to life. Sooner or later everyone experiences anxiety and pain. While self-esteem can make one less vulnerable more durable, it cannot make one ignorant of his feelings and needs.

Think of self-esteem as the immune system of consciousness. If you have a healthy immune system, you might become ill, but you are less likely to; if you do become ill, you will likely recover faster, your resilience is greater. Similarly, if you have high self-esteem, you might still know times of emotional suffering, but less often and with a faster recovery. Its presence does not guarantee fulfillment, but its absence guarantees anxiety, frustration and despair. So, focus on building your self esteem by creating greater awareness and build the skills toward more durable, fulfilling life.

Money is a desirable commodity that most people wish to possess. It evokes many emotions and strong believes. Not only do attitudes vary, but personality traits, upbringing, life circumstances and social perspectives mold one’s relationship to money. No wonder that financial and money issues are a common source of conflict between partners and often cause stress, anger, distress and unhappiness.

Creating and implementing a written plan will minimize your stress and help you meet the inevitable challenges that life will bring with confidence. Solving financial problems and differences requires equality, respect, openness and consideration with healthy communication skills and conflict resolution skills. Using these tools can lead to a deeper connection between partners. Remember, even in the best of times, developing and sustaining a successful marriage is hard work. One of the top stressors in a marriage is financial hardship. It’s never too early or too late to create or adjust your financial plan. No matter what differences couples have, how long you have been married, couples can benefit from discussing their financial issues.

Has the convenience that technology given to us also hindered us from overcoming social anxiety? Has technology made managing social anxiety even more difficult by placing a virtual wall between human interaction and physical contact? The fact is that the Internet acts as a buffer between people. Living in the age of the Internet, cell phone, email, messaging, online social sites and caller ID, makes it easier for a socially anxious person to avoid managing social situations and by that make it difficult to overcome social anxiety disorder.

The advanced technology has made it possible for people to make a living, go shopping, use services, and have “relationships” without ever seeing or directly interacting with another person. The high-tech society of today seems to cater to the person who suffers from social anxiety.  Eventually, living in this virtual world can be detrimental and deeply unsatisfying.

Technology is like a fine wine. A glass of wine a day is good for you. However, if you drink too much, it can kill brain cells and also can cause liver problems. Technology, like wine, can affect your relationships if you take in too much of it and let it control your life.

It is great to have friends from all over the world that I’ve never met and probably never will, but I think it can also limit your growth when it comes to getting past the reality of shyness and social anxiety. It is important to understand that technology is a tool that can be helpful, but we need to use it wisely and apply what we learn with it, to the outside world. We have to make sure we don’t use technology as a crutch to avoid physical and mental social interaction.

Aristotle said: “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”

There is a certain set of characteristics that every healthy person has in common. If you are able to understand what some of these traits of healthy people are, you too will be able to adopt these practices and finally achieve some of the success and happiness that you’ve always wanted.

The following is a partial list of habits of healthy, mature and successful people:

• High level of integrity
• Set vision, goals and priorities
• Look at life as a journey for growth
• Develop courage and act despite fear
• Focus on the solution rather than the problem
• Being proactive rather than reactive or a victim
• Focus on opportunities (to grow) rather than obstacles
• Develop organizational, planning and time management skills
• Work methodically, systemically, yet creatively (think out-of-the-box)
• Align themselves with people with positive character
• Make difficult decision and accept its consequences
• Are lifelong-learners
• Avoid procrastination
• Look at the big picture
• Focus on half glass full
• Practice what they preach
• Open minded and open to feedback
• Focus on being wise and not on being right
• Be assertive (not aggressive and not passive)
• Effective communicator and thoughtful listener
• Identify and follow their core values and believes
• Are adaptable, resilient, flexible while embracing change
• Focus on changing themselves rather than changing others
• Develop their emotional intelligence (IE) and Social Intelligence (SI)

By developing healthy habits that you practice continuously on a daily basis, you can increase your chances of living a long and vibrant life. That is why establishing an early foundation of healthy habits can last a lifetime and will lead you to a become a better person who has better life.

Leo Tolstoy starts the novel Anna Karenina with the line, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” There is a great deal of reality in that idea, which applies to healthy, mature individuals. Healthy people exhibit common habits, while the habits of unsuccessful people are all over the place.

Everyone who is successful and fulfilled in life, or who has done great things in their life, has developed proper habits. Developing habits means building the foundation of your character and destiny. Habits are created gradually, slowly while taking small step approach to rich high level of personal and interpersonal effectiveness.

Creating habits is not an easy thing, and require consistent and commitment to do the same things again and again. When you initially learn something the pathways or connections in your brain are weak. The more frequently you think a particular thought, have a particular attitude or act in a certain way the stronger the pathways become, forming an automatic habit of thinking, and doing. When habits are formed, they hold you in the right truck and serve you well.

The key thing to remember about healthy and successful people is that they understand that simply wanting to achieve success is not enough, you have to match this desire with drive, effort, constructive mindset as well as committed to develop healthy habits and practices that would leads you to success and fulfillment. So, take care of yourself by building healthy habits.

When you have intimate partner, you expect a partner who you support emotionally to support you in the same manner. Unfortunately, if one of the individuals has ADD, the non-ADD partner sometimes has to overcompensate to do their partner’s part, as well as their own. That situation introduces a great source of stress and frequently the non-ADHD spouses begin to feel angry, overwhelmed and resentful while s/he becomes critical and accusatory. Frustrations and tempers become more common and the relationship starts to deteriorate.

Therefore, it is very important for the non-ADHD spouse to develop an understanding of the impact ADHD can have on an individual’s daily functioning as well as the relationship. Adult ADD symptoms include inattention, distractibility, longer time to get things done, time management challenges, organization, forgetfulness and procrastination. These symptoms are chronic since childhood and persist into adulthood. These symptoms also tend to worsen as an individual’s environment becomes more stressed and as demands in life increase.

Most often the problematic behaviors of the ADHD partner are a function of an inability and impairment rather than a motivation issue. Yet, if the ADHD spouse is receptive to diagnosis and treatment, functionality typically improves fairly dramatically. Hopefully, with this knowledge, understanding and empathy the non-ADHD spouse is often less frustrated.

The chaos theory was metaphorically described by Maxim in the following way: “A butterfly fluttering its wings over a flower in china can set in motion a series of events which result in a storm over the Caribbean.” The scientific chaos theory seems to be described in a very spiritual, holistic and systemic perspective and powerfully illustrates the strength of universal connectivity and interdependence.

When we specifically apply that concept to interpersonal relationships, we cannot avoid but seeing that in today world humans tend to be more self focus (“what is it for me”) rather than engaging in altruistic activities and seeing the long-term benefits associated with giving and collaboration for the  “greater good,” including ourselves.

The inter-connectivity and interdependence to be effective also requires a balance perspective. Like everything in life, it probably comes down to balance of avoiding deficiency or excess in all aspects including physical, emotional and spiritual areas. Whether on a national, community or personal level, excess in one area always results in deficiency in another area.

This is why some suggest that the future of humanity is dependent on individuals, societies and nations working together in a compassion, generous and interdependence way to establish a universal balance. The underline needs of individuals are the driving forces of our emotions (including anger) and behavior. It is therefore necessary for us to figure out our need and expressing it assertively while respecting others. This attitude will lead to better connectivity, understanding and global harmony and balance. In other words, individuals must practically understand the need to balance our own needs and wants against those of other individuals, groups, nations and all of humanity.

Montaigne: “My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.”

The above statement by Montaigne (a French philosopher) illustrates the power of the mind on our life, or more specifically, the negative power of our worried mind that has nothing to do with reality. Excessive worry is exhausting, tiring and have negative consequences on your emotional and physical well-being. The imagination of the worrier is full of thoughts about things that will never happen, or that turn out to be not as bad as imagined. The negative, protective mind cannot let go of troubling, pessimistic thoughts and cannot see beyond a negative outcome.

There is something about worrying that makes it hard to give up. In fact, worrying can be beneficial. Worrying is a defense mechanism and alerts you from danger or negative consequences. Ignoring a back pain or not preparing your car for the winter might cause you some serious troubles. Worry direct your attention to a possible problem or unstable situation and push you to take a constructive action toward resolving it. For example, worrying about downsizing could motivate you to prepare a resume and upgrade your skills or looking for another job in another company.

Many of us worry needlessly and excessively and live our lives in fear, plagued with anxiety and a general overall feeling of uneasiness. Here are some tips that will help you stop excessive worry and have inner peace:

• Write down the three things (concerns) that you worry excessively about. Only focus on these three major worries that seem to be on your mind on a daily basis. Order these concerns from more serious as the highest to least serious as the lowest.
• For each worry, ask yourself if you can or cannot control it. For example, if you are worried about deterioration of your health, determine if this is something you can or cannot control. In other words, determine what is within your control and what is beyond your control. In this case, you can control how you take care of yourself by eating healthy food, exercising, sleeping well and reducing stress. You can control parts of this worry, but of course not the entire worry itself.
• If you find yourself worrying excessively over things you cannot control, try to shift your narrow perspective on the negative consequences, and look at the bigger picture of life. Say to yourself “STOP, I am wasting my energy on things I cannot control.” “I better be constructive with my energy.”
• Allow yourself to be worry of 10 minutes per day. Set aside this time daily and use this time only for your worry. You may eventually stop doing this by realizing that it is a waste of time. Until this realization settled, you need some time just to feel your fears, and eventually move on to more productive activities.

The above ideas are not easy to implement as it requires a continual resistance to the worry mind. Remember, do not allow yourself to have excessive worry over the things you cannot control. You will waste valuable time and energy in your life worrying about these things.

The effect of our financial situation and monetary wealth on our well-being is well documented. Today, more than ever, we are impacted by the votality of market situation and its uncertain performance and even its direction.

Normally, after a period that market was moving south, when the market starts moving up, we start feeling sense of hope. While the market continue going up, we feel relief and later optimism, excitement that can reach even euphoria. After a period that the market was moving north, when the market starts moving down, we start feeling the anxiety builds up. When it continues going down, we might be in denial. The feeling might later evolve to fear, panic and even depression.

As such, we cannot overstate the importance of keeping our emotions in check when it comes to the ups and downs of our wealth. We must be aware and accept our difficult emotions when our investment goes through loss in short run, while keeping our focus steady on managing assets and investment with a long term perspective. At times of financial gains, while we acknowledge that a strong rally could continue, it is important to understand that the risks at those times are real and significant. The key to managing the emotions created by the short terms results is to stay focus on the fundamental investment and management strategies which consider the long term objectives.

More than ever, I believe that working with professionals is important to make informed decisions. To reduce uncertainty and risk, using a conservative approach is necessary.  A conservative approach will also prove itself prudent one over time and more importantly will provide piece of mind, and improve our well being and quality of life. If one decides to take high level risk, they might gain high return, but at the same time might suffer high loss. The key guideline to well-being is to make knowledgeable decision while understanding its consequences and implications to our life (considering financial, emotional and other relevant factors).

Most of the time when we talk about low libido or low sex drive, we usually think of women who lost their interest in sex. But the fact is that many man experience periods of reduced sex drive. Variety of reasons could cause low interest in sex, for examples, unhealthy relationship, job stress, financial pressure, anxiety, depression and other mental health issues. Also, certain illnesses, medication or drugs negatively affect sexual desire.

If the sexual issue is not addressed early, the problem can be compounded while creating a vicious cycle. For example, depression can lead to low sex drive, which worsen depression, which leads to unhealthy eating choices and avoiding exercise. This in turn decreases sexual drive even further, which make the situation spiral down.

As mentioned, both man and women face such problems and more so in today’s increased pressure. This is why communication between couples is the foundation for healthy relationship. Mutually open and supportive environment is key to successful relationship. It enables individuals to express their issue in a safe and healthy atmosphere, allowing them to express their concerns, feelings and needs and clarify to expectations.

When facing with a sexual desire issue, it is important to see a doctor to determine if the cause of the low sexual drive is due to physical factor or psychological factor. In case of psychological reasons, it would be wise to involve a professional, such psychotherapist, couples counselor or sex therapist. In some cases, it would be even a necessity. A therapist can help illuminate some problems that may be hidden in the unconscious and provide alternatives to resolve them.