Generally, there are two ways individuals react towards situations that are displeasing. Some people blow up in a volcanic manner. They may shout, scream or rave and after they have done so, they (might) cool down and return to normal. Others on the other hand, keep their anger or bitterness inside them by clamming up. They may display their displeasure in their faces or body language but they would not vocalize it or act on it there and then. They keep it inside and resentment builds up. Both types of reactions are unhealthy. Respond to displeasure in a healthy way is key to anger management and having peaceful mindset.

Many people do not want to address a conflict, and bring up strong emotions. As a result, they simply keep quiet when upset. Accordingly, they suppress their anger or other emotions. Unfortunately, this isn’t a healthy long-term strategy as unexpressed or unresolved anger or emotion can lead to resentment, future explosion and additional conflict in the relationship.

This is why individuals need to increase their level of awareness toward their emotions, particularly anger while trying to know how they feel and understand why they feel that way. Not once we don’t know why we feel angry or resentful. Other times, we feel that the other person isn’t doing what they “should,” but we aren’t aware of exactly what we want from them, or if it’s even reasonable. As such, it is important to articulate to ourselves what we need and express it in an assertive manner. This is an important component of Anger Management.

Lack of assertiveness can affect your relationships and quality of life, as you fail to communicate effectively and probably end up not getting what you want. Family life, career prospects and stress levels can all be affected by non-assertive behavior.

By examining carefully the way you communicate with others, there are a number of ways in which you can begin to assert yourself, helping to improve your quality of life. In this regards, assertiveness training can provide you the necessary skills and benefits. You may read books, articles about the subject (the internet is a large resource). If you have tried to improve assertiveness but still find you are acting in a mostly passive or aggressive way, you may find talking to a trained counselor or psychotherapist useful.

Talking to a professional counselor that specializes in assertiveness training may bring back painful memories of unpleasant experiences you have had, but it can help you understand why you act the way you do. It will help you to think differently about yourself and to have constructive, assertive behavior. Many psychotherapists utilize proven cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to gain positive results and you may find it helpful. This is a therapy that involves helping you to overcome unhelpful patterns in the way you think and behave, including aggressive and passive behaviour.

Although it can be overwhelming and intimidating to start behaving more assertively, you will find that it has many benefits. When you act in an assertive way you communicate better and command respect. This can improve your relationships - both at home and at work.

One of the most important elements of building self esteem among children is the way parents criticize and praise their kids. Negative criticism implies that affection or approval is conditional on good performance. Positive criticism implies that we approve you regardless of the result of your performance.

• Encourage your child to have “doing-your-best” attitude and accepting it regardless of the outcome.
• Never tell kids that second best is not good enough or a failure. Ask your children to evaluate their performance. “Are you happy with it?” “Why?” “What did you get out of it?” Ask: “What would you do differently next time?”
• Ask a child what he needs in order to do as well as he wants. Maybe your child needs more sleep or to learn how to prioritize, or maybe need more practice.
• Offer support verbally and nonverbally. Validate his challenges. Empathize with the child: “This stuff is difficult, isn’t it?”  “It is ok, we can learn from it and do better next time.”
• Teach your child to plan and prioritize. If your child leaves her homework for the last minute and consequently doesn’t do well on a test, don’t be harsh with “I told you so.” Instead, capitalize on his own disappointment. “You’re disappointed with the way things turned out, are you?” Ask: “What can you do next time to be more prepared and make it better?”
• Words of encouragement work like magic. Few words of appreciation get results where criticism and ridicule fail. Give honest and sincere appreciation and encouragement to kids and they would do anything for you.
• Reward the process, attitude and the effort, not the talent or the product. Shifting focus to effort illuminates the key to mastery and improvement (not perfection).
• When a child gets a high grade on a paper, resist the urge to say: “You’re brilliant” or you are the best. These are not authentic statements. Instead say: “You’re a really good thinker.” Be specific: It’s great that you connected X to Y (a behavior to the outcome). Or ask a question that focuses attention on the thinking: “What got you interested in this?” If you praise kids’ intelligence and then they fail at something, they think they’re not smart anymore, and they lose interest in work. But kids praised for effort get energized in the face of difficulty and challenges.
• Praising effort makes kids (and adults) being aware of their own mental health. The brain is built so that it generates positive mood states – and subdues negative ones – as it works hard toward a meaningful goal.
• Do not supply material rewards for achievement. Instead, congratulate your kid. Ask why things worked out so well and what your child attributes her success to. You want kids to understand exactly which efforts pay off in which situations. Supplying external rewards kills internal motivation and turns an activity into inspiration-crushing work.

If we have the desire, we can find numerous good things about our kids in one single day. Don’t waste time in finding words for the perfect praise. Just keep our eyes and ears open and discover the little things we can appreciate our kids about, and tell them about it!

Communication skills are essential to healthy long lasting relationships. Below, please find a few tips for improving your communication skills.

• Be aware of your feelings and know that you have the right to feel any feeling (boredom, hate, lust, awe). Good communication starts with understanding yourself.
• Understand the need behind the feelings
• Express your needs in a constructive, assertive way
• Communicate in the appropriate time. It is more productive to talk about important issues when both people are rested, sober, and ready for a serious talk. It’s wise to avoid serious discussions when you are tired, or too angry.
• Either person should have the right to end the discussion if it gets too angry or out of control. It should be rescheduled one to two days later so that both people be able to communicate in ways that will help reach some type of agreement.
• It is helpful to use “I messages” in conflict situations. “I feel upset when you are late.” Avoid “you messages” such as “You are always late”. You have the right to feel any feeling but in conflict situations it’s best to avoid “you messages” which imply judgment.
• Use a “consultant” approach. It’s helpful to use “proposal” language. “I propose that we only eat out once a month in order to save money”. Proposal language invites the other person to negotiate with you if they don’t agree with you idea. Proposal language eliminates power and control issues.
• Remember that the way you say things-your voice tone and body language-communicate more than your words. Respectful tones are helpful.

Relationship is important to life and to health and having a healthy one start with being assertive while utilizing  constructive communication skills.