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- Do you feel that your life is like an emotional rollercoaster?
Are you controlled by your emotions?
- Are you defensive, frustrated and even aggressive?
Would you like to stop blaming and complaining?
- Do you want to cope with overwhelming negative emotions
or intolerable situations? Would you like to use emotions
constructively? Would you like to build positive emotions?
CHANGE YOUR SITUATION.
Call 917-692-3867 or email us for an appointment.
Emotions play important role in our life. Many people find themselves emotionally sensitive or overly emotional. Emotional reactivity is normal, especially in close relationships. However, if emotional reactivity occurs often, it serves as barrier to personal growth and happiness and even become destructive to well being and relationships.
Emotion regulation or emotional intelligence is our ability to manage our emotions instead of being managed by them. It is acting effectively rather than impulsively. The key is to learn to be more emotionally intelligent and responsive to situations rather than reactive. As such, spiral2grow of New York City teaches the skills needed to manage our emotions (reduce suffering and promote positive emotions). spiral2grow integrates proven best of practices that includes DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) and Emotional Intelligence (EI) skills into the client’s lives to become more emotionally healthy and to build lives that are worth living.
Daniel Goldman said IQ predicts only 10% of life success, while (Emotional Intelligence is a better predictor for such success and happiness. Everyone can benefit from enhancing his/her emotional intelligence and self regulation, because this important construct has positive impact on human performance, leading to personal effectiveness and eventually to overall well-being.
||Benefits of Emotional intlligence
- Enhance your Emotional Intelligence & your interpersonal relationships
- Develop success & resiliency
- Better self management
- Develop social intelligence
- Remain optimistic and hopeful during challenging/difficult time
- Manage sadness, loss, frustration & disappointment
- Act while facing your fears
- Use emotions constructively
- Stop feeling like a victim and take control over your life
- Develop healthy boundary and assertivness
- Experience joy, fun and purpose
- Attract and develop healthy relationships
||Learn more about EmotionAL Regulation
| Emotion Regulation Overview
Symptoms of Emotionally Reactive People
Emotion regulation teaches the necessary skills to manage emotions in a healthy way. It enables us to understand how our emotions work, and coach us the skills we need to manage our emotions instead of being managed by them. Emotional regulation reduces our vulnerability to negative emotions, and builds positive emotional experiences.
All emotions are valid and important. Our emotions often drive our behavior, while our behavior tends to focus on finding ways to get our emotions validated or to get rid of the pain in some way. The key is to be aware of our emotions, understand its meaning and translate them to our needs. The need thereafter should be expressed in a healthy, constructive and assertive way. This is why regulating emotions is a central part of healthy living.
Emotional regulation takes practice and patient. But as you get the hang of using some of these techniques, you will see your relationship to the negative emotions and intolerable feelings change.
Daniel Goldman said IQ predicts only 10% of life success, while EI (Emotional Intelligence) is a better predictor for such success and happiness. In addition, IQ seems to be constant over life span, while EI can change through all ages, So, investing in yourself and particularly your emotional growth is the best investment you will ever take. It will not only improve your life, it will improve the lives and character of all those around you. Emotional management and anger management are going hand to hand. So, wherever you start to take care of your emotional well-being, you are in a moving toward becoming better and happy person.
Dangers of Emotional Reactivity
Usually, reactive people are self-conscious about their emotional vulnerability and embarrassed about how they feel and so they try to avoid their feelings. They've judged themselves as "too sensitive" or "overly emotional" or "weak and needy" and denied or repressed their feelings. Reactive people may portray the following symptoms:
- quick to lose their temper
- significant mood swings including depression
- prone to anxiety and worry
- experience sudden tearfulness
- become flooded with unwanted feelings
- say or do things they’re embarrassed about later
- blame and complain
How to Manage your Emotions
The following are potential dangers of emotional reactivity:
- Emotional reactivity is destructive.
- Emotional reactivity creates defensiveness.
- Emotional reactivity is catchy and amplifies situations.
- Emotional reactivity is disrespectful and even aggressive.
- Emotional reactivity undermines trust and collaboration.
- Emotional reactivity hinders communication, problem solving and conflict resolution.
- Emotional reactivity focuses on personal pain and prevents listening & understanding of others.
Introduction to Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
The first thing to do is to STOP, experience and identify your emotion. After learning to experience and identify your emotions, you need and ask yourself, “What feeling or experience on the inside of me am I reacting against feeling?” This is hard to do because your reaction is, by definition, an effort to move away from what is happening deeper inside. So you naturally keep focusing on what the other person is doing that has evoked the experience. Psychotherapy and DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) teaches you how to monitor and interrupt this automatic process. It helps you redirect your energy from changing your partner to learning what is happening inside. It helps you to become self-reflective in the midst of difficult feelings. It is meant to help you look inward on the way to expressing your deeper feelings to your partner.
When you ask that question (“What feeling or experience on the inside of me am I reacting against?”) you start relating to your internal feelings, the ones inside you that you have been fighting against. Psychotherapy is a safe place for you to experience and explore feelings that have previously been unwelcome.
By adapting a stance of interest and exploration toward your feelings and needs, you can start changes things. This stance makes way for new behavior to form which allows yourself to grow and change. You start to accept these feelings and experiences that you have tended to reject. This helps you to become more in charge of what and how you communicate and behave. When you begin to understand these difficult parts of yourselves you stop blaming and complaining and start taking control over your feelings, thoughts and situations.
Also, when you accept your feelings, understand your needs and able to express them constructively, your partner is much more likely to be willing to cooperate/help when we take this kind of responsibility for what is happening inside. The result enables you to build relationship which is healthier and abundant.
Responding to situations in this manner is called "containing" or "processing" your feelings. It takes time and practice to learn to respond rather than react. But the investment will pay large dividends for you and those in relationship with you. Being responsive will help you make better decisions and get along better with others. It’ll help you accomplish more and gain other people’s respect and cooperation. It’ll also help you stay calm and confident when dealing with people who overreact!
Introduction to Emotional Intelligence (EI)
DBT - short for Dialectical Behavioral Therapy -focuses on skills training for both internal and interpersonal processes. Both individual therapy and group therapy are part of the program. Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) treatment is a cognitive-behavioral approach (CBT) that emphasizes the psychosocial aspects of treatment. The theory behind the approach is that some people are prone to react in a more intense and out-of-the-ordinary manner toward certain emotional situations, primarily those found in romantic, family and friend relationships. The effectiveness of DBT therapy has been scientifically proven and is used to assist in building skills for both internal and interpersonal processes.
Usually, DBT includes a combination of group skills training for individual, psychotherapy and couples counseling as well as coaching. Clients in DBT are asked to monitor their symptoms and use of learned skills daily, while their progress is tracked throughout therapy.
The following are four main types of skills that are covered in DBT skills training:
- Mindfulness Meditation Skills - These skills center on learning to observe, describe and participate in all experiences (including thoughts, sensations, emotions and things happening externally in the environment) without judging these experiences as "good" or "bad." These are considered "core" skills that are necessary in order to implement the other DBT skills successfully.
- Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills - The focus of this skill module is on learning to successfully assert your needs and to manage conflict in relationships.
- Distress Tolerance Skills - The distress tolerance skills module promotes learning ways to accept and tolerate distress without doing anything that will make the distress worse in the long run (e.g., engaging in self-harm).
- Emotion Regulation Skills - In this module, patients learn to identify and manage emotional reactions.
Some DBT Assumptions about the Clients
- Clients are doing the best they can
- Clients want to improve
- By utilizing DBT clients can only do better
- Clients must learn new behaviors in all relevant contexts
- Clients may not have caused all their problems, but they have to solve them anyway
- Clients need to do better, try harder, do something different and/or be more motivated to change
As such, DBT goals include: 1) enhancing patients’ capabilities to regulate their emotions, tolerate distress and engage effectively in meaningful and rewarding relationships, 2) promoting generalization of newly acquired skills to the natural environment, and 3) improving motivation
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, manage, and use your emotions in positive and constructive ways. It’s also about recognizing the emotional states of others and engaging them in ways that feel good to all and create mutual safety, trust, and confidence.
Emotional intelligence consists of four fundamental capabilities:
- Self-awareness – the ability to be conscious of your emotions and recognize their impact while using gut feelings to guide your decisions.
- Self-management – the ability to control your emotions and behavior and adapt to changing circumstances.
- Social awareness – the ability to sense, understand and react to the emotions of others and feel comfortable socially.
- Relationship management – the ability to inspire, influence, and connect to others while managing conflict.
Emotional intelligence isn’t a safety net that protects you from life’s tragedies, frustrations, or disappointments. Emotionally-intelligent individuals go through bad times and experience sadness, anger, and fear - just like everyone else. But they respond differently than less healthy people to these experiences. Emotional intelligence gives you the ability to cope and bounce back from stress, adversity, trauma, and loss. In other words, emotional intelligence makes you resilient.
Resilience gives you the ability to:
- Stay focused in a frightening or challenging situation
- Experience moments of joy in the face of sadness and loss
- Ask for and get support when needed
- Quickly rebound from frustration and disappointment
- Remain hopeful during challenging and difficult times