Marriage is not simply a bundle of legal entitlements. It is about something much more profound, fundamental, and transcendent. The state of being married, while still a strongly desired goal, has been under siege for many years. Marriages that once lasted a lifetime are now fortunate to last several years. Today more than half of all marriages end in divorce.

There are many reasons contributing to this sorry state of affairs. Our society has made it relatively easy to terminate a marriage - at least on paper. So when things get difficult and arguments break out, people abandon their partners instead of learning to work out their differences.

Paradoxically, while marriage becomes increasingly less stable, it is the one relationship that contributes most to global happiness. More people depend on the marital relationship for feelings of satisfaction and well-being than upon any other source of satisfaction including work, economic success, friendships, or even children.

There are many reasons why the marriage institution becomes unstable. The following are only few points that answer that question:

• Marriage is one of the most significant decisions a person makes in his or her lifetime. Yet, it is ironic that this choice is often made with little or no preparation.
• Many couples rush into their relationship based on passionate feelings and not allow themselves to develop intimacy or make an "informed" decision and commitment to marry. The end result is often misunderstanding, disillusionment, and an overall decline in marital functioning that in many cases leads to divorce.
• The idea of marriages and families being integral to society’s functioning is a traditional view, and society today accepting more and more the idea of divorce.
• Marriage demands constant investment even during good time. Unfortunately, in many cases counseling is undertaken too late to repair the damage of years of destructive conflict.
• Marriage requires certain knowledge and skills such as communication, conflict resolution, problem-solving as well as realistic and constructive attitude toward the relationship.

What is it that enables couples to weather the storms of married life? Why do some couples sink and others stay afloat?

• Marital discord - couples tends to hold unrealistic expectations about the nature of the marital relationship.
• This adherence to unrealistic standards or beliefs is likely to lead to marital distress and dissatisfaction because as the couple evaluates each other’s behaviors against extreme standards, disappointment will inevitably ensue.
• Becoming a couple is one of the most complex and difficult transitions of the family life cycle. There is also the tendency for young couples to romanticize their relationship to the extent that faults of the other are ignored or denied.
• One of the fundamental problems in marriage is the discrepancy between what each spouse wants and what each spouse gets (reality) in the marriage relationship. This discrepancy is aided by society’s - particularly the media’s - unrealistic and romanticized portrayal of marriage and relationship.
• Another myth that is commonly believed is that things will be better after the wedding. This optimism is unrealistic, for in reality, problems that exist before the wedding are often compacted by the addition of a spouse.

What causes marital satisfaction? The following is a list of what satisfied couples tend to:

1. Express love verbally, sexually and materially;
2. Participate in mutual self-disclosure - they share their "inner lives;"
3. Offer each other emotional support - mutual nurturing in times of adversity;
4. Express appreciation, admiration and physical affection;
5. Accept demands or put up with shortcomings - they accept imperfections;
6. Create time to be alone together - this nurtures the relationship.

Also, based on John Gottman’s research the following components are important to successful long term relationships for couples.

1. They are gentle with each other.
2. They spend time in and enjoy conversation with each other.
3. They allow for influence by their partner.
4. They do keep score by remembering the good things their partner does for them.
5. Each partner knows themselves reasonably well.
6. Each partner honors the others dreams.
7. There is a positive sense of humor in the relationship.
8. There are shared goals and a sense of team work in the relationship.
9. There are good conflict resolution skills in the relationship.(sometimes this means doing something, and sometimes it means lettings things take care of themselves.)
10. There is a sense of continued romance in the relationship.
11. Contempt, for the partner, in all it's forms, will more than anything else bring the relationship down. It needs to be avoided or worked through.

Communication is one of the most important areas of a relationship. Unhappy couples are often unable to communicate, and when communication breaks down, so does intimacy. Couples with high ratings of communication prior to marriage were more satisfied with their marriages, compared to couples with low ratings (i.e. poor communication prior to marriage) who were more likely to encounter difficulties in the marriage relationship.

• Clients could benefit by learning about conditions and events that married people point to as contributing to successful marriages.
• Counselors can identify the factors that make marriage "at risk" in terms of their ability to adjust effectively in their marriages. This information could be incorporated into counseling programs to strengthen the marriage.
• We equip couples with knowledge necessary to negotiate the challenges of married life. Couples can create a framework that promotes marital happiness.
• Enhance couples potential for a fulfilling relationship.
• Teaching couples how to protect their relationship by giving them tools to resolve conflicts that can undermine their love and commitment.
• Couples can safeguard their relationship as they navigate through the challenging years. Specifically, by listening and communicating better, dealing with personal differences and establishing a "we-ness" while learning how to decrease negative interactions, unreasonable expectations and challenges to marital commitment.
• Having a foundation based on mutual understanding, agreed upon strategies and personal awareness is crucial to making the transition to married life.

• Time for a Better Marriage - by Jon Carlson and Don Dinkmeyer
• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work - by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver
• Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love - by Howard J. Markman, Scott M. Stanley, and Susan L.
• The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships - by John Gottman
• Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples -  by Harville Hendrix