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One of the most helpful things you can do to overcome social anxiety disorder, or social phobia, is to face the social situations you fear rather than avoid them. Avoidance keeps social anxiety disorder going. It prevents you from becoming more comfortable in social situations and learning how to cope. In fact, the more you avoid a feared social situation, the more frightening it becomes.

While it may seem impossible to overcome a feared social situation, you can do it by taking it one small step at a time. The key is to start with a situation that you can handle and gradually work your way up to more challenging situations, building your confidence and coping skills as you move up the “anxiety ladder.”

For example, if socializing with strangers makes you anxious, you might start by accompanying an outgoing friend to a party. Once you’re comfortable with that step, you might try introducing yourself to one new person, and so on.

As such, it is recommended to work your way up the social phobia “anxiety ladder” in the following way:

• Don’t try to face your biggest fear right away. It’s never a good idea to move too fast, take on too much, or force things. This will backfire and reinforce your anxiety.
• Be patient. Overcoming social anxiety takes time and practice. It’s a gradual step-by-step progress.
• Use the skills you’ve learned to stay calm, such as focusing on your breathing and challenging negative assumptions.

Individuals with social anxiety also suffer from negative thoughts and beliefs that contribute to their anxiety. If you have social anxiety disorder, or social phobia, you may find yourself overwhelmed by thoughts like:

• “I know I’ll end up looking like a fool.”
• “My voice will start shaking and I’ll humiliate myself.”
• “People will think I’m stupid.”
• “I won’t have anything to say. I'll seem boring.”

Challenging these negative thoughts is one effective way to overcome and reduce the symptoms of social anxiety disorder.

The first step is to identify the automatic negative thoughts that underlie your fear of social situations. For example, if you‘re worried about an upcoming work presentation, the underlying negative thought might be: “I’m going to blow it. Everyone will think I’m completely incompetent.”

The next step is to analyze and challenge them. It helps to ask yourself questions about the negative thoughts: “Do I know for sure that I’m going to blow the presentation?” or “Even if I’m nervous, will people necessarily think I’m incompetent?” Through this logical evaluation of your negative thoughts, you can gradually replace them with more realistic and positive ways of looking at social situations that trigger your anxiety.

Unhelpful thinking styles:

In particular, ask yourself if you’re engaging in any of the following unhelpful thinking styles:

• Mind reading - Assuming you know what other people are thinking, and that they see you in the same negative way that you see yourself.
• Fortune telling - Predicting the future, usually while assuming the worst will happen. You just “know” that things will go horribly, so you’re already anxious before you’re even in the situation.
• Catastrophizing - Blowing things out of proportion. If people notice that you’re nervous, it will be “awful,” “terrible,” or “disastrous.”
• Personalizing - Assuming that people are focusing on you in a negative way or that what’s going on with other people has to do with you.

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