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For an appointment : Call  917-692-3867

Anger in Intimate Relationship ‎

Shakyamuni said, “Do not return anger with anger; instead, control your emotions. That is what is meant by diligence.” (from the Sutras).

Difficult partners can be a great distraction and destruction to us and others. They drain our energy, waste our time, create negative encounters and disturb our piece. However, if we transform the way we deal with these people or negative situations in general, then we will transform our life for the better. The new way can become very helpful for our personal growth and happiness.

When interactions with your partner is escalating into angry dynamics, they often stop being productive. If your partner gets back to you with angry response, it might be an opportunity to step back, assess your goals in the situation and ask yourself, “Is my respond beneficial to my needs or goals?” Whether your partner slams doors, punches walls, withholds sex, threatens, uses profanity, verbally or physically abuse you or your family, these angry behaviors are an attempt to control and inhibit their partner. The effort to control another person by using anger is not only extremely negative social behavior, this behavior will accomplish the exact opposite in the long run. It leads to divorce and breakups due to the deterioration of intimacy.

Managing anger in a relationship is like a pressure valve on a water heater designed to release when the pressure inside is too built up. People have more than two choices in handling anger, some work to suppress their anger; others feel they need to release it. In fact, it is healthier to neutralize your anger with exercise, breathing techniques, anger management therapy, and couples counseling.

spiral2grow Marriage Family Therapy in a relationship in New York City, has professionals that include anger relationship experts, anger counselors and psychotherapists, who are expert in providing tools for couples to deal with anger in their relationship. spiral2grow Marriage Family Therapy located in midtown Manhattan at 260 Madison #8023, New York, NY 10016, offers management for anger in an intimate relationship in a variety of formats: individual anger management, anger couples therapy, marriage counseling anger management workshop and group in New York City.

The following ways are a manifestation of anger in couples or married relationship:

  • Stress build-up and negative energy
  • Engaging in a negative vicious cycle such as Bickering and Fighting
  • Ongoing conflict and escalation
  • Communication challenges and breakdown
  • Physical, verbal and emotional abuse/outburst
  • Feeling walking on egg-shells
  • Not feeling emotionally safe and inability to form an emotional bond
  • Challenges with family members, specifically in-laws
  • You feel life should be fair, and things are not how you want them to be
  • Hitting and slamming objects, pets, or people or desire to inflict harm
  • Short Temper and impatience causing problems in a marriage
  • Failure to understand and have compassion
  • Use words such as “should,” “must,” “have to,” “fair,” “deserve,” etc.
  • Experience a high degree of resentment and contempt
  • Being inflexible and not accepting influence from your partner
  • Court Mandated Anger management therapy

As you can see the anger in a relationship can be manifested in many ways. Check to find more about faces of Anger.

How Anger Harms Your Marriages

The negative expression of anger in the family, especially between husband and wife, hurts them and their marriage in some the following ways:

  • Damages the safe environment and destroy trust
  • Builds frustration and resentment
  • Creates a negative atmosphere and promote selfishness
  • Amplifies fear of being hurt
  • A distant relationship that leads to sadness, loneliness and anxiety
  • Negatively damages self-esteem
  • Moves away from being authentic and walk on eggshell
  • Reduces sexual and intimate connection and increases sexual temptations
  • Contributes and amplifies addictions such as drinking, gambling and other compulsive behaviors

As you can see, the failure to effectively expressed anger in a healthy way leads to an increase of aggression, hostility, cynicism. It ultimately damages both parties and create distance and resentment.

However, when anger is expressed in a balanced way and appropriate manner, anger can function as a tool for changing aversive behavior and overcome a barrier to intimacy.

In fact, the healthy expression of all negative emotions – sadness, fear, disgust, envy and shame – is critical to maintaining a strong sense of authenticity, leading to life of integrity and meaning.

  • The Anger Control Workbook - by McKay, Matthew & Rogers, Peter
  • The Anger Habit – by Semmelroth, Carl & Smith, Donald
  • The Anger Habit Workbook – by Semmelroth, Carol


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spiral2grow re-defined our relationships and focus. We still have challenges, yet we are committed to handle them ...
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in New York City
License # : 000697