For an appointment:
Call  917-692-3867
For an appointment : Call  917-692-3867

Divorce Counseling in NYC

Statistically, the US divorce rate for first marriage is between 40 to 50 percent. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher. So, it is not surprising that many marriages do not succeed. The questions are why and what could be done about improving relationship to make marriages be healthier and more fulfilling. Without blaming and recognizing the reasons and causes for divorce, the end of any relationship, particularly marriage, is a challenging one. While some individuals may feel a relief when the marriage ends, others experience it as a sad and stressful event.

Divorce provides an emotional roller coaster. Even the partner who chooses to separate may experience intense emotions that may be painful or difficult, such as grief, fear, anger, guilt, uncertainty, shame, anxiety and confusion. A divorcing family naturally experience stress.  The situation clearly amplifies if children are involved (and even more when they are young),

It is not uncommon for couples or individuals to seek counseling to figure out what to do and help them decide whether to stay in a marriage or leave. Others may look for guidance and counseling and to make the transition from being married to being single again. Both of these goals and others can be addressed in individual psychotherapy or couples counseling.

Psychotherapy for Divorce

The stress associated with the divorce can be emotionally traumatic. This is where individual counseling, couples therapy or family counseling can help. Psychotherapy for divorce provides a safe environment for all involved to cope with the process of uncoupling, which can be mentally taxing. This kind type of divorce counseling or therapy may allow some couples to better achieve the dissolution of the marriage in a healthy, constructive fashion.

Working with an experienced therapist that specializes in divorce recovery can provide an objective, logical and healthy perspective and furnish the individuals with a necessary set of skills to work through the hardship of divorce. People may often benefit from counseling by learning more about themselves, developing greater coping and resiliency skills to deal with difficult times. Through counseling and the process of divorce, people may learn more about what they require from a relationship, and they may discover more about their own nature, personal preferences and core values. Even more, individual come to realize life transition as an opportunity for personal growth, development and transformation.

In addition, a divorce therapist teaches a conflict resolution skill and may act as a mediator and set guidelines to make sure that the divorce is achieved with minimal opposition and emotional harm. Psychotherapists can also help address issues, such as financial obligations and support, living arrangements, visitation, parenting responsibilities and other conflicting issues.

Children of divorced parents may go through a difficult time. They may be confused by the divorce or feel guilt, loss, anxiety, or abandonment. Family therapy can be important for children to help them navigate their own feelings during a divorce and reduce their anxiety to establish a greater well-being. If all members of the family are able to discuss their feelings about any issues that arise as a result of divorce, they may be able to process their emotions more constructively and better adjust to the changes.

  • Why Do People Get Divorced?
    • There are many reasons for why partners get separated or divorced. Many people decide to divorce or not to divorce not based on one single reason but consider a combination of factors or problems. The following reasons have been found as some of the most common factors leading to divorce:
    • Infidelity and lack of trust
    • Lack of commitment
    • Marrying too young – for the “wrong” reasons or the “wrong” person
    • Lack of compatibility or constant power struggle
    • Difficulties in bridging cultural or personal differences
    • Physical and emotional abuse or neglect
    • Unrealistic expectations
    • Addiction – alcohol, drugs, gambling sex etc
    • Inequality in marriage or unclear division of roles or responsibility
    • Chronic communication breakdown, unresolved arguments and conflicts
    • Physical and emotional abuse or neglect
    • Financial challenges and disagreements about money
    • Psychologist, John Gottman, with his extensive research about the main reason for problems in intimate relationship, identifies and describes the following “four horsemen” as the main factors that predict divorce:
    • Criticism, particularly when criticism is not outweighed by frequent positive statements.
      For Example: “You never think about how your behavior is affecting other people. I don’t believe you are that forgetful, you’re just selfish! You never think of others! You never think of me!”
    • Contempt and lack of respect. When we communicate in a mean way – treating others with disrespect, mocking them with sarcasm, ridicule, name-calling, mimicking, and/or body language such as eye-rolling. The target of contempt is made to feel despised and worthless. Gottman argues that this is the single best predictor of divorce and can be seen even early on in a relationship.
    • Defensiveness.People who cannot take responsibility for a problem, cannot fix it and cannot display empathy for their spouse. When we fish for excuses so that our partner will back off. The excuses just indicate to the partners that their partners don’t take them seriously.
    • Stonewalling, which is intentional avoidance of interaction and discussion of problems. Stonewalling is when one person shuts down and closes himself/herself off from the other. It can make it impossible to resolve an argument.
  • Adjusting After a Divorce
    • Divorce recovery is not an easy process. Adjusting to the changes that take place after the divorce can take time, patient and effort. Part of the process is often the recognition and ultimately acceptance that the lives of the newly divorced people and the lives of those around them have been profoundly impacted by the divorce. Concerns about financial stability, employment, housing as well children well-being are normal. Worries over losing relationships with friends or family members as a result of the divorce can also be difficult to deal with. Additionally, the psychological impact on parents and children may be overwhelming. Feelings such sadness, guilt, anger, resentment, betrayal, fear and anxiety may affect each member of the family and need to be deal with.
    • While these issues are challenging, t can often be worked through during the recovery and healing process. Therapy can help one work through those feelings, make sense of the end of the marriage, and obtain a new perspective. Especially, psychotherapy for divorce, or counseling after the divorce can help in the establishment of a new life, allowing individuals and families develop a healthy perspective on the divorce that leads to an easier time. While divorce recovery counseling provides coping techniques, it also provides people with a safe, motivating, and empowering experience during this difficult time.
More about Marriage Counseling
Resources
  • After the affair by Janis Spring - Book
  • What Makes Love Last? How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal by John Gottman
  • Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love - by Howard J. Markman, Scott M. Stanley, and Susan L.
  • The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships - by John Gottman
  • Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples -  by Harville Hendrix


Resources

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in New York City
License # : 000697