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How to Avoid Breakup and Divorce
Posted by:   |  May 30, 2016

Avoid Breakup and DivorceYour spouse wants to file for a divorce, and you feel like your entire world has turned upside down. This was the last thing you were expecting when they said, “We need to talk”. Is it really out of the blue? Were you that clueless that you did not see your partner was unhappy?

As much as people like to believe it, divorce does not happen this way. There are signs that people ignore. They let the resentment and negativity built up for years, which causes emotional disconnection, and ends with divorce. However, you are not ready yet to let the relationship slip from your hand. You want to give this relationship another chance because you feel that what you had was special.

Here is how you can avoid divorce and breakup, and bring back the lost spark in the relationship.

1.   Build Friendship and Trust

As the saying goes, the lack of love does not break a marriage, but the lack of friendship does. Instead of fighting and arguing all the time, try looking at things their way. When you are empathetic, you will be less harsh and more respectful when approaching them, so they do not feel attacked or criticized. Good and bad qualities are present in all of us, but by building friendship, you will see their good side instead of pointing out their flaws.

Moreover, honesty is important when you are discussing the reasons why either of you felt the need for divorce. If those things are not highlighted, nothing can be done about it, and they will remain unresolved. So if you really want your marriage to recover, be honest, but also remember that no one is perfect. Let go of your fantasy and be realistic.

2.   Be Confident about Yourself

If you cannot love yourself, you will have trouble loving others too. So do not be too hard on yourself, and embrace your flaws. With low expectations, you will face lesser disappointments, and you will be less judgmental towards others as well. Your spouse alone is not responsible to make the relationship work, so do not anticipate too much from them. Confidence in yourself will help you have confidence in your partner.

3.   Allow Space in the Relationship

Controlling behaviors damage the relationship more than anything. It is crucial to give your partner some space to breathe and make their own decisions. Being in a relationship does not mean you get a say in all the choices they make because this will suffocate them. So trust your partner for making the right choice, and give them your full support even if you do not agree with them. This will save your marriage, and assist you in repairing the damage.

4.   Be Your Best Self

As much as we like to say that looks do not matter, they do in the real world. Go for constructive changes that will enhance your appearance. Whether you lose weight, or change your dressing style, or your hairstyle – all this will show your partner that you are making an effort and they will rethink their decision.

5.   Communicate Clearly and Listen Carefully

Being a good listener and communicator are important factors of preventing the breakup. The lack of communication causes separation, and gradually, the distance keeps increasing every day. The two people who were once a couple then become just strangers who live together without any emotional connection. Similarly, if you do not listen to what your partner has to say, you will not know about the underlying problems.

6.   Create Shared Activities

The best way to bridge the gap is by doing activities together. These can be new activities, or old ones that elicit beautiful memories of the relationship.  This could be doing house chores together, watching movies, TV shows, playing sports, poker, going for a walk in the park, or anything fun. Take out some time everyday from your busy schedule and invest it in building your relationship, if you want to protect it from divorce.

7.   Deal with Challenges

Do not back away from problems, just to avoid arguments and conflicts. Instead, you should try solving them as soon as you can, because there are already so many existing issues that are yet to be discussed. It does not matter if the issue is major or minor, as long as you both can deal with these day-to-day challenges successfully and constructively.

Marriage is a long time commitment; do not throw it away because of some misunderstandings. Seek counseling for couples before you make any major decisions.



Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in New York City
License # : 000697