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Jealousy in Intimate Relationship

Jealousy is a normal emotions that has its own evolutionary explanation. Sometimes the feeling is justified and at other times it isn’t. However, when people experience it strongly, frequently and act on it when it is unnecessary, it may lead to a destruction of trust and intimacy. It might even lead to the termination of the relationship.

Jealousy can be normal and may flare when you feel that a person you love may be “taken away” by someone else. It’s a response to what you feel could be a threat to your relationship. However, jealousy can be a dangerous response one with the potential to damage your relationship with your spouse, unless you understand why it exists and how to manage it.

Some forms of jealousy are in fact good, as they do signal a threat. For example, if you catch a woman batting her eyes at your husband, a flag goes up inside of you: “This woman is trying to make a move on my husband.” Clearly, you love your husband and want to guard your marriage, so it’s not a bad thing that you feel the desire to protect it. the main point is the degree and intensity of the jealousy, how frequent in happens, what is the context and more importantly how you express your jealousy.

Jealousy is an emotion activating, and fed by a combination of love, fear and anger, resentment, inadequacy and helplessness. Jealousy is driven by deep seeded feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something of great personal value, particularly in reference to a human connection.

Many people describe jealousy as an extremely painful, “ugly” and “crazy” feeling. It manifests itself as illogical rage, suspicion, the inability to get beyond an infraction, the impulse to hurt the other, or the urge to simply hide. Simply said, jealousy can hijack our cognition and pushes us to act negatively.

Many believe that the underline reason for jealousy is to prevent infidelity. But the main reason is deeper than that and created by personal insecurity. The fact is that no one can control their partner, and if someone want to cheat they will ultimately cheat. Not only a jealous person cannot keep their partner loyal, but it damages the trust in the relationship and pushes away their partner to cheat.

spiral2grow Marriage Family Therapy, a leading provider in couples counseling and marriage therapy in New York City, has marriage counselors and couples therapists, who are expert in helping couples overcome jealousy and build trust. We guide couples through their emotional challenges, build relationship skills, while re-establishing their trust as a foundation for healthy marriage. Located in midtown Manhattan at 260 Madison #8023, New York, NY 10016, spiral2grow offers effective, proven short-term marriage therapy and couples counseling.

  • How to Overcome Jealousy
    • So how do you deal with jealousy? The way to deal with jealousy is to recognize that your jealousy may be unfounded and then open the lines of communication between you and your partner and be respectfully expressive.
    • Jealousy destroys intimate relationship very quickly. It is a fear-based emotion that colors your perspective on everything. If you find yourself feeling jealous in a relationship, it is probably more about you than your partner.
    • Appreciate yourself
    • Insecurity produces jealousy. When you are not confident and don’t feel good about yourself, you project these doubts onto your partner. If you don’t love and appreciate yourself, it is hard that anyone else will love you back. Your insecurity is not appealing nor attractive. When you become jealous or suspicious, you pushes your partner further away. It is important to know that Self-confidence is jealousy’s kryptonite.
    • “Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.” ~Unknown
    • Heal your wounds
    • If you have been experienced infidelity in the past or have been abandoned previously, then you may still have to heal yourself from your traumatic past. It is not an easy process, but with commitment and patience, you can forgive and move on. In order for you to move forward constructively, you must let go of the past before it ruins your relationship.
    • Trust yourself
    • No one can guarantee that our loved ones will always be there for us. They may leave. They may pass away. They may make a rude comment. They may cheat. They may lie. They may disappoint you in many different ways. Yet, you must have the confidence and faith in yourself and that you can handle whatever happens.
    • We can’t count on anybody 100 percent, and any relationship including intimate relationships involve risk. Yes, you may get hurt, but you’ll survive. So, open your heart, take chances and live life to its fullest.
    • Don’t act on your feelings
    • Jealous feelings are natural, yet they are very different from jealous behaviors. Similar to anger that it is one thing to feel angry and another to act angrily or hostile, there is a difference between feeling jealous and acting on your jealousy. jealous behavior can be detrimental to your relationship and action such as continual accusations, reassurance-seeking, being angry, and acting-out. So, when you fell jealous, say to yourself, “I know that I am feeling jealous, but I don’t have to act on it.”
    • Express your jealousy
    • Instead of brooding on thoughts of infidelity, simply share with your partner how you are feeling as soon as you start feeling that way. Express your emotions with love and care without anger or blame. Expressing your fears will help release the negative energy of the jealousy and will help you overcome it.
    • Stop comparing yourself to others
    • Being critical of yourself and comparing yourself to others is unhelpful. The fact is that there will always be someone with a bigger, smarter, stronger better whatever. What you need to appreciate is your value and uniqueness as the sum total of who you are is what makes you special.
    • While it seems natural to compare yourself to others and envy them, this behavior is destructive and completely learned. You can learn to be aware when you engage in such unhealthy behavior and stop this bad habit while replacing it with new, healthy behaviors and attitudes. Your self-esteem and confidence will dramatically improve.
    • Remember “Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you.” ~Unknown
    • Trust your partner
    • If you dramatically fear that your partner will cheat or leave, you will push your partner away. Jealousy makes you controlling and unattractive. This is why it is important for you to stop jealousy in your intimacy by giving your mate the benefit of the doubt. besides, as we said before, you cannot control your partner, so you better trust them.
    • Focus on the present
    • When we are jealous, we are often focusing on the “what if’s.” Jealousy is a fear about the future. It is often the fear of something that hasn’t even happened. You have no foundation for these thoughts other than your insecurities. Be present in your relationship, appreciate your present situation, instead of worrying about hypothetical situations. Besides, focusing on what we cannot control is wasting energy in the wrong places and creating misery. Instead, focus on the present moment.
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Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in New York City
License # : 000697