Relationships are one of the most profound sources of meaning, connection, and growth in our lives. Yet for all our progress in understanding love and human behavior, we continue to carry outdated beliefs—myths that subtly distort expectations and quietly sabotage intimacy. Some come from cultural conditioning, some from childhood modeling, others from movies and social media that portray love as effortless and partners as telepathic.

In my work as a psychotherapist and couples therapist in New York City, I see firsthand how these myths shape the way partners interpret each other’s behavior. What many couples need is not more effort, but more accurate narratives about what real, resilient relationships actually look like.

Below, I explore seven common relationship myths—drawing from clinical experience and contemporary research—and offer a healthier, more compassionate perspective for each.

Myth #1: If someone flirts, it means they’re unhappy in their relationship.

Many people assume that if their partner engages in innocent flirting—sharing a quick joke with a stranger or exchanging a playful smile—it must reflect discontent or unmet needs at home. But flirting, in its natural form, is simply light, social play. It’s an expression of curiosity, presence, and confidence—not necessarily dissatisfaction.

What matters most is context and intention. Flirting that remains innocent and respectful is rarely a threat. But flirting that becomes habitual, disrespectful, or that replaces connection within the couple can signal deeper issues—avoidance, insecurity, or a breakdown of attention.

In healthy relationships, partners can acknowledge that each of them is a social being who interacts with the world. What matters is the emotional agreement the couple creates around respect, boundaries, and mutual care.

Myth #2: Honesty always means telling your partner everything.

Honesty is essential. But “radical transparency” can often become a weapon rather than a virtue. I see this when someone says hurtful things under the banner of “just being honest.” Honesty without kindness becomes cruelty.

A healthy, emotionally intelligent relationship requires discernment. There is a difference between withholding harmful secrets (which erode trust) and choosing not to share every fleeting thought or criticism (which preserves dignity and emotional safety).

Research demonstrates that white lies told to protect a partner’s feelings can actually support relationship satisfaction. Conversely, deceptive lies—those meant to hide wrongdoing—undermine trust.

True honesty is not about dumping every impulse on your partner. It’s about communicating what builds connection, clarity, and respect.

Myth #3: Bad sex means you’re sexually incompatible.

Sex is often misunderstood as either “natural chemistry” or nothing at all. But the truth is that most couples—at some point—experience misalignment or dissatisfaction in their sexual connection. This does not automatically signal incompatibility.

Sexual fulfillment is deeply tied to self-knowledge, communication, and emotional safety. Many individuals struggle to articulate their desires, preferences, or needs. Often, they can easily name what they don’t like but not what brings them pleasure.

Bad sex is usually not a destiny—it’s a signal. A signal to explore your own body more deeply, express your needs more openly, and co-create a space where both partners’ pleasure matters.

Sexual connection is something couples build, maintain, and refine—not something that appears fully formed.

Myth #4: Your partner should be your best friend.

A loving partnership involves friendship—but expecting your partner to be your entire social, emotional, spiritual, and intellectual support system is unrealistic and ultimately harmful. No one person can meet all your needs.

Healthy couples balance connection and autonomy. They share values, enjoy time together, and support each other—but they also maintain friendships, interests, and experiences outside the relationship.

When partners allow each other to breathe, they bring more vitality, curiosity, and desire back into the relationship. As I often remind my clients: desire needs space; passion needs oxygen.

Your partner can be one of your best friends—but they shouldn’t have to be your only one.

Myth #5: Fighting means something is wrong.

The goal of a healthy relationship is not the absence of conflict—it’s the presence of constructive, respectful conflict. Every couple fights. What differentiates thriving couples from struggling ones is how they repair after conflict.

Partners who fight to understand each other, rather than to win, build trust. They soften. They take responsibility. They return to each other after the storm with humility and care.

Conflict becomes destructive only when partners:

• attack or belittle,
• stonewall or shut down,
• escalate rather than repair,
• or lose sight of the relationship’s emotional bond.

A powerful relationship skill is learning how to fight well—how to stay connected even when you disagree.

Myth #6: Once a cheater, always a cheater.

This belief simplifies a deeply complex human behavior. Some individuals do engage in chronic betrayal tied to personality traits such as narcissism, low empathy, or impulsivity. But these are not the majority.

Many people who cheat do so following long periods of loyalty. Affairs often reflect unaddressed emotional disconnection, personal distress, or breakdowns in communication—not inherent moral failure.

As a therapist specializing in affair recovery, I see countless couples who rebuild trust, deepen their emotional connection, and create a new marriage “2.0.” And research supports this: individuals who are conscientious, empathetic, and committed are far less likely to repeat infidelity.

The real question isn’t “Can they change?”
It’s “Are they taking responsibility and showing up for the repair?”

Myth #7: To get past cheating, you must forgive and forget—or leave immediately.

Affair recovery is rarely that simple. Forgiveness is not a command or a deadline. It is a process, and it unfolds gradually. Forgetting is impossible—and unnecessary. Healing is not erasing the past but integrating it.

If a couple chooses to repair after infidelity, the path forward requires:

• genuine remorse from the offending partner,
• acknowledgment of the hurt,
• consistent rebuilding of trust,
• vulnerability from both partners,
• and understanding the emotional story behind the affair (without diving into traumatic, unnecessary details).

Every relationship has its own unique threshold for forgiveness. Staying is not weakness; leaving is not failure. What matters is that each person honors his or her truth and chooses the path that aligns with integrity, values, and emotional well-being.

The Real Work of Love: Replacing Myths With Maturity

The greatest threat to modern relationships is not conflict, desire, or even infidelity—it is unrealistic expectations. Myths limit our capacity to understand each other. They create rigid rules that shame normal feelings, pathologize natural behaviors, and trap couples in unhelpful narratives.

Healthy relationships thrive on:

• curiosity instead of assumptions
• compassion instead of judgment
• communication instead of mind-reading
• responsibility instead of blame
• and flexibility instead of rigid myths

When partners replace myths with emotional maturity and relational intelligence, they create space for deeper intimacy, more authentic connection, and a love that is both alive and resilient.

If you or your partner struggle with these myths—or want to strengthen your relationship through healthier communication and deeper connection—Spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy is here to help. Together, we can build the relationship you both deserve: grounded, fulfilling, and built on truth rather than illusion.