7 Things You Must Know About Infidelity

Infidelity Counseling NYC

“I know I am but summer to your heart, and not the full four seasons of the year.” ― Edna St. Vincent Millay

Can you imagine being betrayed by the only person you ever loved and vowed to spend your entire life with?

When we talk about infidelity, it is the act of being unfaithful in a committed relationship. It is easier to say that you will break off the relationship if you ever discover such sordid details about your partner’s affair; however not every individual is ready and willing to go through that process. Some prefer sitting down and analyzing the future of the relationship.

A number of questions arise in the minds of people regarding infidelity. How can you forgive your partner after such a betrayal? Who is to decide what constitutes as cheating? What were the reasons that have caused this? What are the ways to overcome infidelity and recover the relationship?

To answer a few questions and have better understanding of infidelity, below are 7 important things everyone should know.

1.     Major Cause – Emotional Disconnection

When an individual in a relationship is not appreciated for their efforts and they start to feel isolated, unwanted, and miserable, that is when they look elsewhere to get that emotional connection, acceptance and respect. The disconnect is caused by the bottled up anger, grudges, and the inside pain that push individuals to hurt their partner back, which may be done through the affair. Therefore, lack of emotional connection in the marriage is the chief cause that leads to unfaithfulness and betrayal. Once that connection is lost, the couple will stop interacting with each other, deepening the rift between them even further.

2.     Love is Not Enough to Stop Unfaithfulness

If love were enough, the betrayal would not have happened in the first place. It is more about the self-determination, emotional strength and principals of an individual.  No matter how much love the other person gets, if they lack self-control, and make decisions based on sexual impulse, then they will never stop betraying their partner. For some, the affair is a way to get reassurance; whereas for others it is a challenge and a thrill of the moment. All these issues need to be addressed by a marriage counselor to find the motivating cause behind cheating.

3.     Overcoming the Infidelity

As long as the cheating continues, the person cannot get rid of the infidelity and overcoming the affair is impossible. No matter how many times the person gives you their word for it and agrees on making things all right, if it is not reflected in their actions, it will never be over. Self-control is essential when the goal is to rise above past actions and be a better spouse. Stay committed to your partner throughout and you will see your relationship improving in no time.

4.     Love Resides Even While Cheating

The cause of cheating is not the absence of love, but rather the absence of a spark.  Many men who cheated on their partners stated that they love their partner and do not want to lose them. They want both, the love from their partner and sex with another partner. Therefore, it can be concluded that betrayal also occurs when the partner does not want to be in a monogamous relationship, and cannot tell the other partner because of the fear of losing them. If you are a spouse who cannot stay monogamous, it is important to talk about it with your partner, and seek counseling regarding this matter to avoid destroying your marriage.

5.     Infidelity is Not about the Other Person

People think that partners cheat because they find someone who is better looking and more beautiful. However, this is far from the truth. A survey stated that 88% men who had an extramarital affair did not find the person they had affair with, better looking than their spouse. It is imperative to understand that people do not cheat because they find that person more attractive, rather it is more about themselves and their relationship with their spouse.

6.     Infidelity Doesn’t End the Marriage

It is obviously hard to forget that your significant other was cheating on you, however it does not necessarily means that it is the end of the marriage. No one is perfect, and that includes your partner as well. Rather than taking infidelity as an end, take it as a wakeup call to sort out the issues in your marriage. Moreover, forgiving your partner will set you free from the past, so you can make plans for a better future together. Your marriage will strengthen after you rediscover each other and it will provide you with a new beginning.

7.     Rise Above Infidelity and Strengthen Your Marriage

It is only natural to feel pain, anger, and resentment towards your partner after their disloyalty. However, you have to decide what is important and fight to save your marriage if this is what you want. Our society considers it a sin to forgive spouses who have betrayed you once. The phrase ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’ is highly prevailing in our culture. However, if the betraying spouse is remorseful and willing to change his/her way, you are strong enough to face the betrayal rather than running away from it, then your marriage will become better and strong enough to face any hurdles along the way.

With the power to destroy even the longest relationships, infidelity can cause emotional and psychological consequences such as feelings of devastation, isolation, depression, and anxiety. Where some couples end up getting a divorce, others are able to fix their marriage and form an even stronger bond.


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