Rethinking Neutrality in Couples Therapy

In couples therapy, many people expect the therapist to stay neutral—to not take sides, to listen to both partners equally, and to help them meet in the middle. And often, that’s exactly what’s needed: a safe space where both people feel heard and respected.

But sometimes, strict neutrality can unintentionally support patterns that are harmful.

Imagine a relationship where one partner speaks with kindness, but the other uses blame, control, or even emotional abuse. If the therapist treats both sides as if they are equally responsible—just to “stay neutral”—this can feel unfair, even unsafe. The person who is hurting may feel even more silenced, and the one causing harm may never be asked to truly reflect or change.

When Neutrality Isn’t Loving

At its best, couples therapy is about creating a space of healing, honesty, and love. And love is not neutral. Love cares. Love protects. Love speaks up.

When a therapist avoids taking a stance to protect neutrality, they may accidentally ignore important truths—like the need for one partner to take more responsibility, or for someone to feel validated in their pain. And that can stop real healing from happening.

Standing for What Matters

At spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, we believe in something deeper than neutrality. We believe in ethical responsibility—to stand for what promotes healing and respect in the relationship.

That means:

• Supporting compassion and understanding
• Encouraging respect and kindness
• Helping each partner take ownership of their behavior
• And when necessary, naming what is not okay

We don’t “take sides,” but we do take a stand—for honesty, for fairness, for love, and for growth. We call this a compassionate and ethical approach. It’s about helping both people move toward a relationship that feels safe, loving, and connected—not just “fair on paper.”

Love Isn’t Always 50/50

Sometimes, one partner needs more support to speak. Other times, one person may need a loving push to see how their actions are impacting the other. True balance is not always 50/50—it’s what helps each person show up with more integrity, awareness, and care.

In our work, we aim to help couples move from conflict to connection. But connection can’t happen without truth. And truth sometimes means being brave enough to go beyond neutrality.