Emotions cannot be changed or controlled (at least in the short run). You can learn how to deal with them or how to live with them in harmonies way, living peacefully with them, releasing them constructively, or you can manage them, but you cannot control them. The more you try to control your emotions, the more the emotions resist control. It is a vicious cycle that amplify emotions to anger, range, depression, stress and even physical illness.
Anger is a basic, natural and normal physiological reaction to a threat. When you are threatened, cortisol and adrenaline flood into your body, pushing and rushing the blood to the arms and legs so they can quickly act to punch or run (to survive the crisis). That means that blood leaves your brain, preventing it from functioning well and utilizing a healthy judgment.
In addition for having a genetic component for anger, anger is learned. You mostly develop your anger style as a child when you see your caregivers, especially your parents respond to challenging situation and react to their emotions. Anger is also a function of unrealized needs and/or unmet expectations. Therefore, it is important to understand that anger in itself is not the problem, but unhealthy expression of anger is the problem.
Anger can be expressed and manifested in many ways. Some of the unhealthy ways for the expression of anger are the following: The “classic” way of expression is aggressive behavior; when the anger is act out physically, verbally, yelling, threatening, etc. It might be expressed as passive-aggressive style when the angry person quietly or “passively” withhold (does not provide) the need of the other person. Sarcasm, hostility, cold anger or withdrawals such a silent treatment, ignoring, etc. are other ways to express anger destructively. The bottom line of any angry behavior is the desire to “push the buttons of the other person,” in other words, hurting the other person (regardless if the action is provocative or as a result of provocation or a defense mechanism).
The key for becoming a successful emotional being is to find a suitable set of techniques to manage anger and help find “the solution” to difficult emotions that you counter on a daily basis, enabling you to transform negative energy into a positive tool for anger management and healthy life. And “the solution” is an internal solution not external one. Rather than changing other people or external circumstances, you will be in a better position when you change your perspective, attitude and the way you manage your emotions. By doing so, you empower yourself to be in control or free yourself from your feelings and undesirable situation.
May individuals are trigger by angry emotion as it is so powerful that it pushes individuals to act impulsively. Accordingly, it is not a surprise that many individuals that acted based on their anger emotions, have made themselves fool, and more importantly hurt themselves and acted against their own best interest. This is why you do not want to allow emotions to run your life. Your mind and your inner wisdom should be in charge of your emotions to guide you make better decisions. Decisions that are made based on assertive behavior that honors yourself and others.
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