For an appointment:
Call  917-692-3867
For an appointment : Call  917-692-3867

Gottman Method for Couples and Marriages

spiral2grow, a leading provider of Gottman therapy method for couples and marriages in New York City, has professionals that include John Gottman psychotherapists and counselors, who are expert in the Gottman approach and its application in couples therapy as well as marriage counseling. spiral2grow, located in midtown Manhattan at 260 Madison #8023, New York, NY 10016, offers the John Gottman treatment for couples who are interested in improving or rebuilding their relationship while learning healthy relationship skills.

John Gottman Therapy for Couples

The Gottman Method developed by John Gottman in the Gottman Institute helps couples improve their relationship by teaching them the necessary couples skills. The Gottman Method applies leading-edge research on marriage in a practical, down-to-earth therapy. No other approach to couples education and therapy has relied on such intensive, detailed, and long-term scientific study of why marriages succeed or fail.

  • How to keep your relationship strong by Gottman Method
    • Edit yourself. Couples who avoid saying every critical thought when discussing touchy topics are consistently the happiest.
    • Soften your “start up.” Arguments first “start up” because a spouse sometimes escalates the conflict from the get-go by making a critical or contemptuous remark in a confrontational tone. Bring up problems gently and without blame.
    • Accept influence. A marriage succeeds to the extent that the husband can accept influence from his wife. If a woman says, “Do you have to work Thursday night? My mother is coming that weekend, and I need your help getting ready,” and her husband replies, “My plans are set, and I’m not changing them”. This guy is in a shaky marriage. A husband’s ability to be influenced by his wife (rather than vice-versa) is crucial because research shows women are already well practiced at accepting influence from men, and a true partnership only occurs when a husband can do so as well.
    • Have high standards. Happy couples have high standards for each other even as newlyweds. The most successful couples are those who, even as newlyweds, refused to accept hurtful behavior from one another. The more you can tolerate bad behavior in the beginning of a relationship, the happier the couple is down the road.
    • Learn to repair and exit the argument. Successful couples know how to exit an argument. Happy couples know how to repair the situation before an argument gets completely out of control. Successful repair attempts include: changing the topic to something completely unrelated; using humor; stroking your partner with a caring remark (“I understand that this is hard for you”); making it clear you’re on common ground (“This is our problem”); backing down (in marriage, as in the martial art Aikido, you have to yield to win); and, in general, offering signs of appreciation for your partner and his or her feelings along the way (“I really appreciate and want to thank you for.…”). If an argument gets too heated, take a 20-minute break, and agree to approach the topic again when you are both calm.
    • Focus on the bright side. In a happy marriage, while discussing problems, couples make at least five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship as negative ones. For example, “We laugh a lot;” not, “We never have any fun”. A good marriage must have a rich climate of positivity. Make deposits to your emotional bank account.
    • Seek help early. The average couple waits six years before seeking help for marital problems (and keep in mind, half of all marriages that end do so in the first seven years). This means the average couple lives with unhappiness for far too long.
  • Sound Relationship House (SRH)
    • Gottman method couples therapy is based on the Sound Relationship House (SRH) theory. John Gottman is his research found out that successful couples work on three levels: one, sustaining romance through friendship, two, managing conflict well, and three, creating shared sense of meaning.
    • In addition, the partners minimize criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.
    • The couples are, also, able to provide to the relationship more positives than negative, in a ratio of at least of five positive to one negative.
    • The Sound Relationship House is subdivided into seven domains:
    • Love map: The love map is a road map of one’s partner’s inner psychological world. In this case, each partner acknowledge and validate the other partner’s internal word.
      Lack in this area occurs when couples become distant from one another.
    • Fondness and admiration: Fondness and admiration is the antidote for contempt. By voicing and expressing feelings of care and respect to the partner the couples create a culture of appreciation, affection, and respect. .
      Instability or lack in this area results in loneliness, a sense of invisibility, and feeling of being uncared for.
    • Turning toward: Successful couples turn toward when bids for emotional connections are made, which is also called building the “Emotional Bank Account.” Turning toward takes place when one partner make a bid of connection and the other responds back in a positive way.
      Couples may also turn away or turn against to distance themselves.
    • Positive sentiment override: In this case, the tendency of each partner is to interpret neutral statement of the other as positive.
      On the other way, when couples are distant or hyper-vigilant and negative interpretation takes place. In this cased, individuals see they see their partner as an adversary, not a friend.
    • Managing conflict and solving problems: Couples need to identify the core issues and the anatomy of repeating negative cycles in their relationship. In that regards, healthy couples are successfully negotiating problems to establish win-win resolution.
      To be able to resolve problem successfully, couples must develop skills such as: soft start-up, repairs, self-soothing, accepting influence and ability to compromise.
    • Make life dreams and aspirations come true: Couples at that domain honor each other’s dream, support them in pursuing it. This includes having fun, creating adventure and pursuing passion.
    • Creating shared meaning: A relationship involves building a life together, and that life is full of meaning. Partners explore roles, values and symbols that give the couples shared meaning and fulfillment.
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Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in New York City
License # : 000697