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How Fear of Commitment Can Manifest Itself
Posted by:   |  May 24, 2011

Fear of Commitment

Fear of commitment is infecting modern relationships. Not only it is difficult to be happy and satisfied with oneself, it is even more difficult to find happiness, satisfaction and fulfilling connection in one’s intimate relationship with another person. It is no wonder that many people react to this challenge by fearing long-term commitment.

The following are few examples of how fear of commitment can manifest itself:

  • Fear of losing their freedom.
  • Waiting for the right one; having the ideal (wrong) notion that there is only one/right person to be committed too.  A ferry tell notion of “living happily ever after.”
  • Having a fear of losing their own identity if they were to allow a relationship to develop.
  • Expressing high levels of criticism of a partner or relationship; finding faults with others.
  • Hurting their partner (deliberately or unconsciously) while sabotaging the relationship. Effectively giving reason for the relationship to fail.
  • Having extremely high (unrealistic) expectations in their partners or themselves, so that a relationship doesn’t develop. Rejecting other prematurely and does not allow a potential relationship the opportunity to grow.
  • Having multiple partners, while leaving a trail of failed relationships and a lot of tears.
  • Rejecting efforts from their partner to discuss marriage or other kind of commitment.
  • Interacting with other people who also suffer from commitment issues, so as to avoid any relationship issues to come up.
  • Ambivalence and confusion color their decision making particularly in intimate relationship. They may leave a relationship, return to it, leave again, and so on.
  • Some individuals may also not be able to commit to work, hobbies, timetables, and even counseling!

Fear of commitment may be originated from several sources. It may be because you witnessed a separation of your parents or any of your near and dear ones. A confusion of social/cultural or parental pressure with your own personal needs/values may lead to fear of commitment. You may have experienced a traumatic (emotional) experience or tragic incident in life who forces you to maintain a safe distance from others. In addition, suffering from low self esteem, issue with identity, enmeshment, boundaries etc. may lead to challenges in this area.
Please visit author, Moshe Ratson at his google+ Profile:+Moshe Ratson



Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in New York City
License # : 000697