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Marriage with a Large Age Difference Between the Spouses
Posted by:   |  May 09, 2019
HARRISON FORD and CALISTA FLOCKHART – Credit: Vince Maher/WENN

While there is variation across cultures in the size of the difference in age-gap couples, in western countries romantic couples with a large age gap often raise eyebrows and may come with social disapproval. While general research suggests that marriage with a wider the age gap, has a lower chance of success and a lower likelihood that a pairing will last, the question still remains “Shall we still marry a much older or younger spouse?

As I mentioned, statics show that marring with ages difference of less than five years of each other were significantly less likely to divorce than couples who had age gaps of, say, 15 or 25 years. Yet, I do believe that we should not relay on statics to answer the question if we shall marry or not a younger or older man or a woman. Each couple needs to be analyzed on case by case basis and be evaluated within the context of the relationship as well as personal preferences.

The fact is that there are no rules when it comes to forecasting how happy a couple with a large age gap will be. It is important to remember that the difference of age is part of the attraction between the couples and encompasses the narrative and meaning of each individual has about that aspect and as well as their preferences. From evolutionary standpoint, women might be more attracted to status and resources, which explains why some women may be attracted to older men. On the other hand, some men value attractiveness and vitality more than women, which explains why some man are attracted to younger women. For them, they see youth as an indicator of fertility. For many, the evolutionary reason was the root explanation for older man-younger woman pairings.

Like any other successful marriages, relationships must have healthy foundation to include enough common bond, warm, similar values, beliefs and goals, healthy partnerships dynamics as well as sexual compatibility. In this regard, some research outcome found that relationship satisfaction reported by age-gap couples is higher. These couples also testify greater trust and commitment with lower jealousy as compare to a similar-age couples. The above factors have little do with age difference and more about healthy marriage foundation.

It is my believe that while the age gap between spouses may bring some challenges for couples, if couples work at their relationship, age should be no barrier. My personal opinion is don’t let an age gap deter you if you’re attracted, you get along, and you are basically on the same page, go for it and enjoy your life and relationship. No one knows what the future will bring, so enjoy the present, while you are aware and mindful about the implications of your decision. You are the one that knows what is best for you. No one else.

Here is a link for an article on the subject by the New York Post, who also quoted me: https://nypost.com/2019/05/01/were-24-years-apart-and-crazy-in-love/



Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in New York City
License # : 000697