Techniques for Managing Anger
Self awareness is the key factor to any personal change and personal growth as well as the main point of managing emotions, particularly anger management. Accordingly, an important first step toward managing anger constructively is the identification and realization of the unhealthy thoughts, and beliefs we originally possess that lead us to anger.
The second step in managing anger is recognizing the way we express anger. In most cases, the way we express our anger is very much similar to what we have learned in our childhood and the way we expressed it then. If we didn’t have good role models, or we didn’t have caregivers that helped us learn how to express anger, we probably adopted unhealthy ways of dealing with anger, which we carry in our adulthood.
The next third step is to learn the appropriate ways of expressing anger, which would allow us to begin coping with anger and provoking situations in a more effective way. Basic guidelines for expressing difficult feelings or anger emotions are the following:
- Express feeling productively and speak with “I” statement. Say “I feel (emotion).”
- Don’t blame and don’t start a statement with “You are…”
- Don’t assume the intent of the other person
- Be factual and don’t express believe or your interpretation about the event
- Be assertive (not aggressive and not passive) and be respectful.
- Don’t attack the character of the other person. Avoid generalization and state your needs in terms of behavior. Be specific and clear.
Let go – The fourth step in the Anger Management process is to be able to overcome a devastating pain that took place in the past. A deep pain for example might be a situation that someone hurt us, betrayed us and even abused us.
If we are not able to have a closure to this deep anger wounds, or create a resolution or let go of it, then we will cling to the resentment of having been done wrong and will carry the festering negative residue of our anger and rage in our hearts forever. We make our own lives mean and miserable instead of happy and full.
This unresolved anger is a poison that eats us from inside. It does not only spoil our relationship with ourselves, but also extends to our relationship with our friends and loved ones. Most people have difficulties in letting go of the anger. Yet, once you let go, you are able to clear the pain of the past and move to the present to live your life. you unstuck yourself from the past chain feel the freedom to grow. Letting go, is a must if you what to heal yourself. This is a choice you are making on your own terms in order to relieve your own suffering.
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