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Tips To Avoid Power Struggle in Marriage
Posted by:   |  Feb 19, 2016

power struggle marriage

You are engaged in an argument with your partner and it’s simply driving you up the wall. You are wondering: can’t they see that you are right and they are completely wrong? You are amazed at their sense of reality or sense of logic, and the fact they are not changing their stance at all. Why can’t they just see it in the same  and as you do and simply agree with you?

We all know that it’s not a good sign when arguments are churned up even on the slightest of things. What movie to see, where to eat, whose responsible for this and whose responsible for that and so on. Things that start as small differences in perspectives become a battle to prove who is right – and who is wrong: who wins and who losses.

The more you clash with your partner, the less attractive they will seem to you. It will also result in doubts and questions such as: are we still compatible? How on earth did I fall for you?

When being right and winning gains more important than loving your partner, then victory is short lived. When the dust settles, both partners are left in pain wondering where the love went from their relationship.

Recognizing a Power Struggle

Power struggles are a strong poison that spread through healthy relationships and extract all love out of them. Almost everyone goes through such struggles at some point of their relationship. But how can you identify the moment when you are going through such a situation?

As a general rule, if you and your loved one feel that only they are right in a given situation, regardless of how much evidence is there to prove otherwise, the odds are against you (or them).

Here are some other signs to indicate that you are in a power struggle. You:

  • Are not listening to one another
  • Become defensive
  • Feel like you and your partner are not on the same team
  • Emotionally freeze up and start preparing for war
  • Start thinking on the lines of ‘I’m right, and you’re wrong’
  • Cannot find some validity or truth in your partner position

If you have answered yes to more than one of the points above, then it would be reasonable to say that you and your spouse are involved in a conflict or a power struggle.

When you have identified your situation, ask yourself the following:

  • Why do I HAVE to be right?
  • Is it so important to STICK to my position?
  • Would I rather be Happy or Right?
  • If I could change this moment, how would I?
  • How would I behave if this was my BEST FRIEND?
  • What would it be like to be a LOVING and GENEROUS one?
  • and more importantly, is it beneficial to the relationship?

You will realize as soon as you answer the questions above that being happy is always more important than proving yourself right. It’s sometimes better to compromise for the sake of keeping a relationship healthy. Once you manage to change your mindset, you will automatically start becoming more patient and understanding and your partner would be able to identify these changes in you too!



Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in New York City
License # : 000697