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6 Simple Ideas to Create Intimacy
Posted by:   |  Sep 12, 2016

how to create and develop intimacy

When two people are together in a long term relationship, it is not uncommon to forget about each other’s needs, take for granted your partner and avoid investing in the relationship. It is not surprising that the ongoing routine, stress and daily challenges may create a disconnection between the couples.

Therefore, in order to make that relationship feel fresh and exciting, there is a need for intimacy creation strategy. While intimacy means sex for some, and it definitely an integral part of intimate relationship, in this article I will focus on emotional intimacy, and how couples can keep the flame burning. Below are 6 simple ideas you can work on to create intimacy with your partner.

1.     Date nights

No matter how old-fashioned it may sound, having date nights is one way of keeping the relationship alive. It makes the other person feel valued and cherished, and will take you down memory lane to the initial days of your relationship, and will keep the romance alive. Moreover, if you are a couple that has kids, you must arrange for the babysitter beforehand. Also, the responsibility of planning the date night as well as arranging for the babysitter shouldn’t be on the shoulder of a single partner. In fact, couples can alternate planning the date nights. This way the responsibilities are divided and both the partners get to feel treasured and appreciated. Whether it is a fancy dinner or something really simple, like watching a video at home, it is the thought and intention that counts and matters.

2.     A weekly check in

Once in a while, it is crucial for couples to sit down and talk about where their relationship is going. Reflecting on interactions and things that both individuals have said to each other, even the minor ones, can benefit the relationship more than you think. It is difficult to talk about problems when everything is going smoothly, because no one likes to fight. But piling up the little things will only lead to a bigger explosion later on. Therefore, a weekly check in should be arranged where couples can address the pressing issues, and more importantly, listen to each other’s problems and allowing time to discuss uncomfortable issues. Moreover, you will feel much more relieved, at peace, and closer to each other after a discussion.

3.     Create couples’ rituals

Having a ‘thing’ or a ritual that only the two of you do together can strengthen your bond. This can be joining a book club, playing scrabble together, or shopping for food items for each other. This will help you learn new things about your partner, from their favorite food or movie, to the kind of things they like to paint, to the creativity they have in them. Rituals provide sense of meaning, connection, order and continuity that makes couples look forward to them.

4.     Spend deliberate time separately

It is true that many couples can’t have enough of each other. They spend the entire time together. This may not be something bad, but every person needs their ‘me’ time, or their personal space to think and do what they like. Couples need to understand that they are not joined at the hip and time spent separately will not only help them to think of themselves as a separate person, but also benefit the relationship. You will appreciate your partner more, and will realize that you want to be with them not because it is an obligation, but because you genuinely want to be together.

5.     Be supportive

When you vow to be together in sickness and in health, and in good times and bad, you promise to be with them and support them no matter what. Whether it is a financial difficulty or health issue, or it is a decision they are making, your partner will be able to handle even the toughest situations as long as they have you by their side, and that kind of intimacy is the best emotional support you can provide.

6.     Show appreciation and respect

Most of the time, married couples forget about these little gestures. They think that whatever their partner does, it is their duty and don’t take out the time to appreciate or express their love. This creates problems and relationships start becoming an obligation.

Respect and appreciation go hand in hand. You know that your partner respects you and the effort you are putting in the relationship when they show it through little tokens of appreciation. You don’t have to give them expensive gifts to remind them that they are important, even a flower is enough to make their day special.



Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in New York City
License # : 000697