For an appointment:
Call  917-692-3867
For an appointment : Call  917-692-3867
Infidelity Counseling

Infidelity Counseling

Are you debating what to do after affair? Are you questioning if your relatioship can survive an infidelity?
Couples Counselor NYC
How can you get over affair and avoid seperation or divorce? How can you regain trust and rebuild your relationship?
Couples Counselor NYC
How can you overcome the betreyal and infdelity, the difficult feelings and the broken trust?
Couples Counselor NYC

There are many challenges that a couple faces during the course of their relationship and/or marriage. Sometimes, the couple can manage the problem by themselves. However, often, the problem is too great for them to solve without professional help. One of these great challenges is when facing infidelity and breaking the trust.

For many couples, the discovery of a partner’s infidelity is experienced as a betrayal that breaks one of the most fundamental assumptions of a relationship: its exclusivity. Infidelity is serious in that it severely impacts the betrayed partner and the relationship as a whole.

Yet, with great challenges come great opportunities. It is definitely not easy to overcome infidelity and/or trust issue, but it is very much possible. When trust is broken, especially as a result of infidelity, the damage is great and the question “can I trust him/her?” might be there for a long time. The key question would be “Is it going to be an open wound or a scar?

In general, humans are deeply monogamous and romantic in their beliefs as they aspire to be in a monogamous relationship. Most people wish for one person for life. Yet, many individuals find themselves in a conflicting desires; in a conflict  between their values and their behavior. They might find themselves crossing a line they didn’t think they would ever cross and pay high cost for that.

In the aftermath of the infidelity, counselors must help couples restore their relational bond, enable them to make genuine and sincere amends and free them of the victim-perpetrator trap. They must continue assist couples heal from their wounds and strengthen their relationship in the period of the post-affair.

spiral2grow can guide you overcome the overwhelming crisis of the affair and guide you through the recovery process. We can help you develop the necessary skills to have more healthy and satisfying relationship. No doubt, that this is a challenge, yet it is possible to achieve. Ernest Hemingway said The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.

I believe that many relationships and marriages can overcome infidelity and affair. As strange as it may sound, an affair can be a blessing in disguise. I believe that with hard work and commitment to go through the difficult process of healing, a couple may find a way to emerge stronger and happier.

  • Helpful pointers on rebuilding your marriage after an affair
    • Affairs takes place all around us including in a good marriage.
    • Overcoming and healing from infidelity requires that both partners to be fully committed to the hard work of rebuilding trust and getting their marriages back on track.
    • Both partners must be patience and courageous while able to deal and accept the roller coaster of emotions.
    • The unfaithful partners must understand the pain they caused by the betrayal, be remorseful and be willing to end the affair.
    • An important indicator of whether couples can overcome infidelity is how much empathy the unfaithful partner shows for the pain they have caused.
    • The unfaithful partner must do all in their power to rebuild trust and win his spouse back.
    • Honesty and transparency especially after the affair is key factor in rebuilding the trust in the marriage.
    • Any questions about the affair should be answered and answered honestly.
    • Talking about the affair is upsetting and difficult, but also a way to rebuild trust and intimacy.
    • If conversation about the affair brings uncontrollable overwhelming emotions or harsh anger emotions, conversation should be limited, yet couples need to find better time to continue talking about whatever they need to know.
    • The betrayed spouse must accept the overwhelming roller coaster of emotions and learn to deal with them in a constructive way.
    • The affair in happy relationship is not designed to withdraw or disconnect from the partner (since the couples still love each other), but rather it is an expression of loss and longing that even healthy relationship cannot provide.
    • No words and not promises, but actions are the foundation of trust.
    • Be patient with the healing process and allow yourself to grief the loss you experience.
    • Infidelity is less about love and more about boundaries and maturity.
    • Betrayals can be looked from different angles. Yet, not all betrayals are equal.
    • It is important to note that the victim of the affair is not necessarily the victim of the marriage.
    • The future possibilities for the marriage are not determined by the past events but by actions taken in the present, while learning from the undesirable experience of the affair.
    • Even though affair is devastating, it can be used as an opportunity to change, to grow, to connect in a better way and to emerge stronger.
  • Important issues for the infidelity counselor to attend to
    • The infidelity counselor need to attend to the following points:
    • Attend to the pain and the roller coaster of emotions that is created after the betrayal.
    • Avoid getting pulled into the blame and shame cycle that is normally created after the infidelity.
    • Establish commitment to get the marriage back on space of trust and security.
    • Build patience and courageous while dealing with the difficult emotions.
    • Tap in to internal insight and responsibility.
    • Establish honesty, transparency and integrity
    • Normalize the difficult process of overcoming the affair.
    • Infidelity is less about love and more about boundaries and maturity.
    • Slowly move from high, raw level of emotions such as anger to a deep, soft level of emotions such pain and hurt.
    • Understand the devastating impact of the infidelity.
    • Create hope and see the possibility to emerge stronger and happier.
More about Infidelity and Affair
Resources
  • After the affair by Janis Spring - Book
  • What Makes Love Last? How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal by John Gottman
  • Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love - by Howard J. Markman, Scott M. Stanley, and Susan L.
  • The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships - by John Gottman
  • Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples -  by Harville Hendrix
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Benefits Infidelity Counseling
 
 
 
Overcome infidelity and affair
Heal psychological & emotional pain
Rebuild trust and confidence
Overcome jealousy, shame, anger, fear & other difficult feelings
Avoid seperation and divorce
Regain intimacy and passion
Empower yourself and take responsibility to your happiness
Assess your situation and make the best decision
Get unstuck & start moving forward
Learn how to influence your partner
Express your feelings and needs
Manage anger and avoid escalation
Overcome emotional reactivity
Create stronger & deeper emotional connection with your spouse
Stop having the same fights over & over again - Stop feeling stuck

Resources

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in New York City
License # : 000697