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Divorce is a devastating outcome for the entire family. Many couples in marriage would prefer to save their relationship and avoid divorce, ie rather than going through the difficult process of breaking up their family. Unfortunately, many couples don’t pay attention to (or ignore) the alarms and signals of discontent that their relationship or spouses have been ringing. At times, the request of a separation or divorce catches you by surprise. When you finally recognize that something is needed to be done, you find it to be too late.

Many married couples experience major disappointments, arguments, family difficulties and realize that their marriage is in distress. If the problems of marriage are ignored and not dealt with, a tremendous rift between partners is created and the marriage reach a danger zone. Marriages fail for a variety of reasons. Serious marriage problems don’t happen overnight; they creep up on people gradually. This is why the sooner you can recognize the signs of trouble in the relationship the sooner and better you can address them to bring your relationship to a better place.

spiral2grow, with its marriage counselor or couples counselor, provide the relationship expertise to avoid break up or divorce and save your marriage and relationship. We are able to help many couples building successful relationships as well as saving marriages from break ups. spiral2grow Marriage Family Therapy, located in midtown Manhattan at 260 Madison #8023, New York, NY 10016, offers proven marriage survival counseling as well as individual relationship therapy, couples therapy, avoid breakup and divorce workshops.

Signs that your marriage in trouble:
- Constantly argue and bicker – Any relationship particularly involved problems, conflicts and arguments. Even though many of the differences can never truly be completely resolved, if you find yourself in constant arguments, conflicts and negativity then you know you are in trouble. The key in a relationship is to change the way you view conflict, accept and appreciate your partner.
- Thinking about having an affair – There are many reasons you may be tempted to have an affair. But regardless of the reasons individuals are unfaithful, affairs indicate serious problem in marriages.
- Wonder if you choose the wrong partner – When you experience frequent unpleasant dynamics and you focus on the negatives of your relationship, you become unmotivated and even hopeless in regards to the success of the relationship. You wonder if you are in the wrong relationship.
- Feel resentful and angry – Resentment and anger can be a mask to a deeper more painful emotions such as boredom, dissatisfaction and even depression. Resentment and anger can be built over time and has the ability to erode the quality of a marriage. Both resentment and anger are equally toxic emotions that is destructive to any relationship.
- Not being sexuality intimate– It is normal to have differences in sexual drive between individuals in marriage. It is also not uncommon to have reduction in sexual activities as we grow older or with increased time while being with the same partner. This, in and of itself, is not a sign that your marriage is in trouble. The problem is a sex starved marriage relationship. A relationship when the spouse with lower desire does not care about the person with the higher desire and reject the sexual advances. The feeling of rejection, hurt, frustration and anger creates disconnection.
- Lack of trust – One of the key components of an intimate and successful relationship is the foundation of trust. It is an element of a healthy relationship. When trust does not exist, the relationship cannot survive challenges.
- Increased Jealousy – Jealousy is a normal emotion and at times may be justified. However, when one partner or both in intimate relationship experience it frequently and strongly, and act on it impulsively, it shows lack of trust and insecurity problems in the marriage.
- Your fights escalate – When you find yourself fighting for the same things again and again, while many of them escalate and intensify, you need to be concerned. Fights that become increasingly hostile and may involved verbal or physical abuse should be taken very seriously.

Tips to avoid divorce or break up
- Marriage is a highly skilled activity that requires education, training and practice. Having a healthy marriage requires a whole skill set. We naturally acquire our skill set from our parents. So if our parents have good skills, then we are lucky to have good role models and teachers. But what happened if we don’t have parents with healthy skills, then many times, unfortunately, we carry those relationship skills to our marriage.
- When you recognize your marriage might be in trouble, there are several steps you can take to get back on track.
- Be focus and intentional – Understanding that your marriage in distress requires you to be committed to work on your relationship and create the best atmosphere and environment to save your marriage.
- Identify the problems – Solutions requires identifying the problems in the marriage, figuring up unhealthy dynamics and breaking vicious cycles. Only then you can address this issues and tackle them constructively.
- Take Responsibility – Trying to change your partner, won’t be helpful. Instead, use your energy to focus on yourself and see how you can change yourself, change your attitude and influence your partner.
- Move Away from negativity – If you focus on the negative, negatives would color the relationship. So, avoid criticism, blame, complaints, accusations sarcasm, aggressiveness or sarcastic remarks.
- Avoid escalation – Argument and conflict create anger that can easily lead to escalation. It is critical to stay calm and collected and not to fuel the anger. Catch anger early and collaborate to find resolution.
- Express concerns constructively – When you use “I” statements like: “I feel [followed by a one-word adjective]”; “My concern is …”; or “I would like to …” you are constructive as you focus on your feelings and your needs rather than focus on your partners, blaming them or criticizing them.
- Have open, honest and respectful discussion – Healthy communication is one of the most important skills in relationship and takes work. It starts with an attitude of respect, listening and understanding, and courage to talk about serious or provocative issues.
- Be Positive – The more positive energy you and you partner experience, the better you can rebuild the relationship. So, provide more moments of smiles, hugs, compliments and laughs (a lot). Focus on giving, as the more positives you give, the more you’ll get.
- Learn skills for a successful marriage – Any skills requires training. Would you expect to drive a car without first taking driving lessons? Make an effort to educate yourself; read books, attend marriage education courses or seminars, learn communication and conflict resolution skills for marriage partnership.
- Get help – It is not uncommon to struggle in relationship and overcoming marriage challenges. In addition, finding or identifying the source of problems may not be easy. It also challenging to create new patterns of relationship dynamic and behavior to reconnect. This is why you should seek help. Getting assistance from a professional marriage counselor or couples therapist can help your relationship dramatically.
  The counselor can help you recognize your problems and set clear steps that is needed to improve your relationship. The therapist will guide you rebuilding your relationship and equipped you with the necessary tools to sustain long lasting healthy marriage.
- As marriage therapist who regularly works with couples, I know that all couples have challenges. My main concern is about the couple who recognizes the first sign of problems and does nothing about it or wait for it to be too difficult to resolve.
- That would include re-establishing commitment, trust and infusing the partnership with love and care takes introspection, compassion, forgiveness, patience and effort.

More about Infidelity Counseling

Infidelity and Extramarital Affair - Overview

How the Betrayed Spouse Respond After an Affair

Causes and Types of Infidelity

Overcoming Infidelity

Build Trust in a Relationship

Marriage Counseling

Save Your Marriage and Marriage Help

Recovery After an affair

Resources

After the affair by Janis Spring - Book
What Makes Love Last? How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal by John Gottman
Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love - by Howard J. Markman, Scott M. Stanley, and Susan L.
The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships - by John Gottman
Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples - by Harville Hendrix

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