To reconcile after infidelity, you need to change your way and open your heart again, even more, because you love your spouse that much.

Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity/Betrayal. Heal and Find Path Forward.

Few experiences are as painful as broken trust. Whether it’s emotional or physical infidelity, betrayal creates:

• Deep emotional wounds
• Doubt and insecurity
• Fear of vulnerability

There are many challenges a couple faces during their relationship and/or marriage. Sometimes, the couple can manage the problem on their own. However, often, the problem is too great for them to solve without professional help. One of these great challenges is when facing infidelity and breaking trust.

For many couples, the discovery of a partner’s infidelity is experienced as a betrayal that breaks one of the most fundamental assumptions of a relationship: its exclusivity. Infidelity is serious in that it severely impacts the betrayed partner and the relationship as a whole.

Yet, with great challenges come great opportunities. It is definitely not easy to overcome infidelity and/or trust issue, but it is very much possible. When trust is broken, especially as a result of infidelity, the damage is great and the question “can I trust him/her?” might be there for a long time. The key question would be “Is it going to be an open wound or a scar?“

In general, humans are deeply monogamous and romantic in their beliefs as they aspire to be in a monogamous relationship. Most people wish for one person for life. Yet, many individuals find themselves in conflicting desires; in a conflict between their values and their behavior. They might find themselves crossing a line they didn’t think they would ever cross and pay high cost for that.

In the aftermath of the infidelity, counselors must help couples restore their relational bond, enable them to make genuine and sincere amends and free them of the victim-perpetrator trap. They must continue assist couples heal from their wounds and strengthen their relationship in the period of the post-affair.

spiral2grow can guide you overcome the overwhelming crisis of the affair and guide you through the recovery process. We can help you develop the necessary skills to have healthier and more satisfying relationships. No doubt, that this is a challenge, yet it is possible to achieve. Ernest Hemingway said “The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.”

I believe that many relationships and marriages can overcome infidelity and affair. As strange as it may sound, an affair can be a blessing in disguise. I believe that with hard work and commitment to go through the difficult process of healing, a couple may find a way to emerge stronger and happier.

Understanding the Impact of Infidelity

Infidelity is not just about the act—it’s about the emotional rupture it creates.

It can lead to:

• Loss of trust
• Emotional instability
• Anxiety and obsessive thinking
• Shame, guilt, or anger
• Fear of vulnerability

For many, it feels like the foundation of the relationship has been shattered.

This is where structured, professional support becomes essential.

Can a Relationship Survive Infidelity?

This is one of the most common—and most important—questions.

The answer is: Yes, but not without intentional work.

Some relationships not only survive infidelity but become:

• More honest
• More emotionally connected
• More resilient

However, healing does not happen automatically.

It requires:

• Accountability
• Transparency
• Emotional processing
• Clear communication

Infidelity counseling provides the roadmap.

Overview of Infidelity and Marital Affair

Infidelity or an affair can be defined as a violation of an agreement or expectation of sexual and or emotional exclusivity expressed or implied in an intimate committed relationship (married, cohabiting, or engaged partners). Infidelity can be physical or emotional and takes place when one partner in a relationship continues to believe that the agreement to be faithful is still in force, while the other partner is secretly violating it. Infidelity also involves trust, betrayal, lying and disloyalty.

Infidelity is one of the most painful and devastating experience that can be inflicted in a marriage or other committed relationships. Amazingly, many marriages do survive after an affair. The fact is that only 15 percent of divorces can be attributed to affairs. Also, about 70 percent of couples decide to work on rebuilding their marriage/relationship and overcome infidelity. About 50 percent of couples succeed in repairing their marriage and even emerging stronger and better than before the affair.

Affair and infidelity is common and exists in all societies in any generation. Yet, it is important to understand that what is defined as an act of infidelity varies between cultures and subculture and very much depends on the type of relationship and agreement that exists between the individuals in that specific relationship.

When we face infidelity, we feel alone. We think that we are the only one that encounter such horrific event and experience such deep pain. But the reality is that many people have experienced similar issue and have felt the same way. Know that you are not alone, and that there is a large support groups that is available for betrayed spouses and individuals recovering from extramarital affair. This is a helpful way that one can find empathy, sympathy and support to build strength and overcome the affair.

Infidelity creates a great strain on both partners in the relationship and on the relationship itself. The affair is shocking and leaves the betrayed person feeling devastated, jealous, sad, confused, lonely shame and very angry. As it is very hard to overcome the infidelity, many people seek therapy to help recover the affair and move on. Moshe Ratson, as an expert in infidelity counseling can provide the necessary guidance to help overcome the dramatic challenge of infidelity and affair.

Causes and Types of Infidelity

The causes of infidelity are complex and varied. Affairs can occur not only in troubled marriages but also in happy ones. Anyone whose ever been cheated on is often struck with overwhelming questions of “Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve it? What is wrong with me that I was not able to provide my partner what he/she needs. At times the answer to these questions can be relevant, but at times they are not relevant as the cheating was about the cheater. Reasons for infidelity, include but not limited, to low self-esteem, relationship deficits, such as lack of affection, lack of emotional intimacy, avoidance of conflict, unfulfilled sexual needs, sexual addiction and unrealistic expectations.

Sometimes, one of the partners doesn’t feel desirable and will reach out to someone else to make them feel that way. Some individuals may feel trapped by their relationship and they want out, or they want something ‘on the side.’

During life cycle changes, such as a transition to parenthood, empty-nest period, mid-life crisis, etc. individuals that are facing psychological challenge may act out in ways that pushes one of them to have an affair.

In some cases, multiple affairs may indicate an addiction to sex, romance or love or and/or can be manifestation of low self esteem. The addicts to romance and love are driven by the excitement and passion of a new relationship, while sexual addicts are compulsively drawn to the high, adrenaline and the pleasure of sexual orgasm. But such addiction comes with a high price to both, the addicted person as well as it partner.

Few Types of Infidelity

Opportunistic infidelity

occurs when a partner is in committed and loving relationship. Yet, the partner gives in to their sexual desire and expresses it to another individual. The opportunistic infidelity is motivated by out of control lust, impulsive behavior, situational circumstances and/or opportunity, and sometimes, pure risk-taking behavior. Sometimes it is purely a case of bad judgment. For example, a person may feel satisfied with their marriage, but one night at the office with a co-worker and a couple of glasses of wine can lead to lack of impulse control. Addicted sexual behavior (a repeated behavior of infidelity) can be an extreme case of opportunistic infidelity, yet, portrays a more serious problem than just bad judgment.

Obligatory infidelity

Occurs when one partner is still in love or attached with his/her spouse, yet this partner is continually rejected when engage in sexual contact. This feeling of rejection may contribute to resentment, insecurity and low self esteem which may result in cheating and search for other people to fulfilled the need of sexual intimacy as well as approval and sense of security. Some individuals end up having an extramarital affair solely on the need for approval from somebody, even though they still hold a strong attraction to their committed partner.

Romantic infidelity

Happens when one partner is in the process of “fallen out of love” with his/her spouse or partner and decide to cheat and have an affair with another person. In this case, the romantic aspect of the relationship is fulfilled by another person, while the cheater, for various reasons, decides to stay in the “formal relationship.”

Conflicted Romantic infidelity

Takes place when a person has fallen in love with another partner or partners but is still in love with their spouse. In this circumstance, the person is unable to resist the compulsion and act secretly.

Commemorative infidelity

occurs when a person has completely fallen out of love with their spouse, but is still decides to stay in a committed relationship because of the perceived responsibility. This is similar to romantic infidelity by more extreme as the cheater is totally fallen out of love with their partner, yet feels trapped in the marriage that binds him or her.

An “emotional affair”

which sometimes also called an “affair of the heart,” is an affair which does not include sexual physical connection but includes emotional intimacy. The emotional affair differs from regular or platonic friendships in that there is greater emotional intimacy than in the marital relationship, and there is secrecy and deception from the spouse.

Emotional affair may begin innocently as a friendship in different environment (work, pleasure etc.) and can easily start over the internet to grow to what is called “internet affairs,” which becomes very destructive to the health of the relationship or marriage.

Infidelity has many variations and serves for different purposes.

Understating the different types and infidelity and some of the reasons that led to it is an important first step to overcoming it and make it easier somewhat to decide what to do to survive infidelity.

The Stages of Affair Recovery

Healing from infidelity is not linear—but there is a process.

1. Stabilization: Reduce emotional chaos and create immediate safety

2. Understanding: Explore what led to the betrayal (without blame or justification)

3. Rebuilding Trust: Develop transparency, accountability, and consistency

4. Reconnection: Create a stronger, more intentional relationship moving forward

Without guidance, couples often get stuck in stage one—repeating pain without progress.

For the Partner Who Was Betrayed

If you’ve been betrayed, you may feel:

• Shock and disbelief
• Anger and resentment
• Deep hurt and sadness
• Loss of safety and trust

You may find yourself:

• Replaying events
• Asking the same questions
• Struggling to feel secure

Your pain is valid.

In therapy, we help you:

• Process the emotional impact
• Regain a sense of control
• Clarify your needs and boundaries
• Decide what is right for you

Healing is not about minimizing your pain—it’s about honoring it and moving forward with clarity.

For the Partner Who Was Unfaithful

If you were unfaithful, you may feel:

• Guilt and shame
• Fear of losing your partner
• Confusion about your own behavior
• A desire to repair the relationship

You may not fully understand why the infidelity happened.

In therapy, we help you:

• Take responsibility without defensiveness
• Understand underlying patterns or unmet needs
• Learn how to rebuild trust
• Show up consistently and authentically

Change is possible—but it requires honesty, humility, and commitment.

Respond to Having an Affair

spiral2grow Marriage Family Therapy, a leading provider in couples therapy and infidelity counseling in New York City, has marriage counselors and marriage therapists, who are experts in helping couples in crisis, dealing with infidelity or extramarital affair and saving marriages in crisis, while building healthy relationships.

How the betrayed spouse responds after an affair

The respond to an affair is hard and can manifest itself in many ways. The discovery of the affair has tremendous effect on the relationship and specifically on the betrayed spouse. The impact of the infidelity on the betrayed spouse may be physiological hyper-arousal, flashbacks, rage, mood swings, withdrawal and intrusive images, which is similar to the symptoms of a PTSD (post-traumatic stress Disorder).

A spouse’s affair can cause you to doubt your self worth and self-esteem. The betrayal inflicts deep wounds, causing psychological and relational turmoil. In the emotional turmoil and devastation after infidelity and affair, you are dealing with images that continue to run through your mind of your spouse with another person. In addition to being angry and sad, the feelings of being hyper-vigilance and supper-protective means you have another strong emotion to work through: jealousy.

Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity

Trust is not restored through promises—it is rebuilt through consistent actions over time.

In our work together, you will learn how to:

• Create transparency and accountability
• Communicate openly without escalating conflict
• Manage triggers and emotional reactions
• Establish clear boundaries
• Rebuild emotional safety

Trust is rebuilt step by step—not all at once.

Infidelity Counseling NYC

Recovery After an Affair

Ernest Hemingway once said “The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.”

An affair is devastating. Your world is turned upside down when you reveal that your husband or wife has been unfaithful. The emotional roller coaster is overwhelming and the level of hurt and anger at your partner’s cheating cannot be described. The discovery of an affair brings so many deep questions. Questions you have never even considered asking, even when you heard of other people’s infidelities. Now that you experience it first hand, you may ask yourself whether your whole relationship has been a lie; whether you were foolish to trust your partner; whether you will ever be able to trust again. You wonder what is wrong with you, or if you could have done something different to prevent the affair. There is a painful awakening of losing the naivety of life; facing a betrayal. Now, it becomes personal and you wonder if you will ever recover from this shocking discovery of your partner’s infidelity.

If you are the one who had the affair, you may wonder how exactly you ended up betraying your loved one. You are not sure what the affair meant to you. Was it just sex, or maybe it was also an emotional, intimate experience that you are not sure you want to give up. In addition, you feel guilty and awful at having hurt your partner so deeply. You also feel ashamed and prefer to put the affair far behind, so you will be able to move forward and rebuild what has been destroyed.

At this difficult time, you are probably not sure how to deal with your overpowering emotions and don’t know what to do. If you still want to stay in the marriage, you find it hard to imagine how this relationship can heal from infidelity, overcome the pain and move forward. It is very normal to have all these questions with no answers. Yet, in infidelity counseling (marriage or couples therapy), you will have the opportunity to share your feelings and questions about the affair in a safe and secure environment and find resolution to the challenges that come with the infidelity.

For over 15 years I have been helping and guiding individuals and couples in the New York City area cure the suffering of an affair. With my professional guidance and support, both partners can take vigilant, deliberate steps toward rebuilding the marriage. I believe that many relationships and marriages can overcome infidelity and an affair. As strange as it may sound, an affair can be a blessing in disguise. With hard work and commitment to go through the difficult steps of healing, a couple may find a way to emerge stronger than ever before and be mutually more fulfilled.

Over the years I have developed a reputation as a relationship and infidelity expert. I have participated in radio and TV shows and have been quoted in many newspapers and magazines. Some of the media channels that I have been featured in include: The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, USA Today, Showtime, CNN, Telemundo, Huffington Post, National Public Radio (NPR) and Psychology Today.

Infidelity Counselling After an Affair?

Individuals and couples respond differently to an affair. Regardless of how the response is, it is hard to deal with its emotional roller coaster, challenging to process it as well as overcoming the overwhelming emotional difficulties. If couples are not able to manage this crisis by themselves, and many cannot, it is recommended to seek help of marriage therapist who an expert in infidelity and affair.

The process of infidelity counseling after an affair allows each person to air their grievances and express how they’ve been hurt by the other in a safe environment with a couples therapist present. The therapist will facilitate communication and understanding. After the events and facts are fairly understood (not necessary accepted), you can then go deeper to recognize and appreciate what emotional and psychological dynamics were at play that led to the affair. Thereafter, you’ll start the process of learning new healthier ways to relate to each other that cultivate a sense of trust, connection and intimacy.

An affair is one of the biggest betrayals we may experience. But if you are willing to work on the relationship, the journey of healing can be transformative, changing both of you to become a better partner and a better persons — even if you decide to go your separate ways after all.

Lean more about recovery after the affair.

Build Trust in Relationship

spiral2grow Marriage Family Therapy, a leading provider in couples counseling and marriage therapy in New York City, has marriage counselors and couples therapists, who are expert in helping couples building trust and overcoming infidelity and affair. We guide couples through their crisis, save relationship, while rebuilding their trust as a foundation for healthy marriage. Located in midtown Manhattan at 260 Madison #8023, New York, NY 10016, spiral2grow offers effective and result-oriented marriage counseling and couples therapy.

Work with Moshe Ratson, LMFT, MBA

Moshe Ratson is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (MFT, MBA) and Executive Coach, known for his direct, compassionate, and structured approach.

He specializes in helping individuals and couples:

• Navigate high-conflict dynamics
• Recover from infidelity and betrayal
• Rebuild trust and communication
• Create meaningful, lasting change

Moshe combines:

• Clinical expertise
• Emotional depth
• Strategic insight

Helping you move from pain and confusion to clarity and direction.

When Should You Start Infidelity Counseling?

The sooner you begin infidelity counseling, the better.

Without guidance, couples often:

• Stay stuck in repeated conflict
• Deepen emotional wounds
• Lose opportunities for repair

Early support can significantly improve outcomes.

Take the First Step Toward Healing

You don’t have to navigate this alone.

With the right support, it is possible to:

• Process the pain of betrayal
• Rebuild trust and connection
• Gain clarity about your future
• Create a stronger, more honest relationship

Infidelity Counseling in New York City

Call (917) 692-3867

Schedule your free consultation today and begin your path toward healing and clarity.

Resources

After the affair by Janis Spring – Book

What Makes Love Last? How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal by John Gottman

Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love – by Howard J. Markman, Scott M. Stanley, and Susan L.

The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships – by John Gottman

Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples –  by Harville Hendrix