Psychotherapy for Divorce
Working with an experienced therapist that specializes in divorce recovery can provide an objective, logical and healthy perspective and furnish the individuals with a necessary set of skills to work through the hardship of divorce. People may often benefit from counseling by learning more about themselves, developing greater coping and resiliency skills to deal with difficult times. Through counseling and the process of divorce, people may learn more about what they require from a relationship, and they may discover more about their own nature, personal preferences and core values. Even more, individual come to realize life transition as an opportunity for personal growth, development and transformation.
The stress associated with the divorce can be emotionally traumatic. This is where individual counseling, couples therapy or family counseling can help. Psychotherapy for divorce provides a safe environment for all involved to cope with the process of uncoupling, which can be mentally taxing. This kind type of divorce counseling or therapy may allow some couples to better achieve the dissolution of the marriage in a healthy, constructive fashion.
Why Do People Divorce?
- Infidelity and lack of trust
- Lack of commitment
- Marrying too young – for the “wrong” reasons or the “wrong” person
- Lack of compatibility or constant power struggle
- Difficulties in bridging cultural or personal differences
- Physical and emotional abuse or neglect
- Unrealistic expectations
- Addiction – alcohol, drugs, gambling sex etc
- Inequality in marriage or unclear division of roles or responsibility
- Chronic communication breakdown, unresolved arguments and conflicts
- Physical and emotional abuse or neglect
- Financial challenges and disagreements about money
Psychologist, John Gottman (The Gottman Institute), with his extensive research about the main reason for problems in intimate relationship, identifies and describes the following “four horsemen” as the main factors that predict divorce:
Criticism, particularly when criticism is not outweighed by frequent positive statements.
For Example: “You never think about how your behavior is affecting other people. I don’t believe you are that forgetful, you’re just selfish! You never think of others! You never think of me!”
Contempt and lack of respect. When we communicate in a mean way – treating others with disrespect, mocking them with sarcasm, ridicule, name-calling, mimicking, and/or body language such as eye-rolling. The target of contempt is made to feel despised and worthless. Gottman argues that this is the single best predictor of divorce and can be seen even early on in a relationship.
Defensiveness. People who cannot take responsibility for a problem, cannot fix it and cannot display empathy for their spouse. When we fish for excuses so that our partner will back off. The excuses just indicate to the partners that their partners don’t take them seriously.
Stonewalling, which is intentional avoidance of interaction and discussion of problems. Stonewalling is when one person shuts down and closes himself/herself off from the other. It can make it impossible to resolve an argument.
Adjusting After Divorce
Divorce recovery is not an easy process. Adjusting to the changes that take place after the divorce can take time, patient and effort. Part of the process is often the recognition and ultimately acceptance that the lives of the newly divorced people and the lives of those around them have been profoundly impacted by the divorce. Concerns about financial stability, employment, housing as well children well-being are normal. Worries over losing relationships with friends or family members as a result of the divorce can also be difficult to deal with. Additionally, the psychological impact on parents and children may be overwhelming. Feelings such sadness, guilt, anger, resentment, betrayal, fear and anxiety may affect each member of the family and need to be deal with.
While these issues are challenging, t can often be worked through during the recovery and healing process. Therapy can help one work through those feelings, make sense of the end of the marriage, and obtain a new perspective. Especially, psychotherapy for divorce, or counseling after the divorce can help in the establishment of a new life, allowing individuals and families develop a healthy perspective on the divorce that leads to an easier time. While divorce recovery counseling provides coping techniques, it also provides people with a safe, motivating, and empowering experience during this difficult time.